


Lego House

by artsyleo



Series: Lego House [1]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Future, Angst, Deaf Character, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kid Fic, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Original Character(s), Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:55:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 21,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23085136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsyleo/pseuds/artsyleo
Summary: It had come up one night after they had spent the day taking care of Lexi. The three of them were snuggled together on the sofa, some old Disney movie (Lexi's favourite this week) playing quietly on the TV. Ben had his head on Callum's shoulder, and Lexi's lay in his lap. Ben sighed quietly, blissfully."You ever think about having our own kids?"
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Series: Lego House [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1738483
Comments: 58
Kudos: 159





	1. Chapter 1

Three years.

It's been three whole years since Callum slipped that damn ring on Ben's finger, and he's never regretted it for a second.  
Technically, Ben had proposed - shouted out 'marry me' when they had been *otherwise occupied* in bed, which, when Callum later asked about, Ben just shrugged with his telltale smirk, and said 'what about it, Tiger?'. Of course, Callum being the sappy git he is, later proposed with an actual ring, in the kids playground on the square, near where they had- well, near their *first meeting place*.  
Most the square had been elated when they found out - everyone was a sucker for a wedding (and if not, hey, free bar) and most people had become relatively fond of the pairing since after the boat crash.   
Callum sighed at the memory. The weeks- months after had been horrible, days spent tiptoeing around Ben in his vulnerable state, desperately trying to get through to him. Once people began to find out about Ben's hearing, they'd begun to pity him- maybe even respect him a little more. It was proof that Ben Mitchell was human, after all.   
Of course, the past years hadn't been without their own struggles, for both men. After months of back and forth, Callum holding Ben through late nights and early mornings mourning the loss of his hearing, Ben had decided to have the cochlear implant operation. That, of course, became another four months of infuriating waiting lists, doctors appointments, false alarms- it hadn't been easy, by any stretch of the imagination. And it wasn't like Callum had escaped from the ordeal unscathed- his own old troubles coming back to haunt him in the resurfacing of his PTSD after the kidnapping. At first he'd thought so little of it- though perhaps in the end that was the danger. He'd become so caught up with Ben at the time that he didn't recognise the symptoms when they had begun to appear just like they had last time- trouble sleeping, increased anxiety, a completely new and somewhat irrational fear of the dark. Yes, Callum could see now what he should have recognised then- he had been struggling, and that was just the beginning. When Ben found out, they'd fought about it- Ben feeling guilty about not knowing - blaming his hearing, yet again - and angry at his boyfriend for not telling him. Callum knew it was just because he cared so much. Ben had lost so much love in his own life- the poor man just couldn't bare the thought of losing any more.   
So Callum had begrudgingly agreed to therapy, determined that it wouldn't work (it did) and that he didn't need it (he did). Over time, he understood better how to cope with it all, and, with Ben by his side, he had begun to get better. They both had- both torn apart by the incident in their own ways, but both putting the other back together carefully, piece by loving piece.   
Eventually, Ben had gotten the surgery, and with that came the return of of parts of Ben's hearing. He was elated- Ben's face the first time he could hear callum say 'I love you' again was one that he didn't think he could ever forget, and one that he certainly didn't want to ever forget.   
Of course, nothing was perfect- Ben still had bad days, when he had to disconnect the implant, and it was like they had stepped back three months. But Callum was there to remind Ben of how grateful he could concentrate on being instead - he had been allowed to hear again, by the incredible work that the surgeons had done. Things got better.   
-  
It had come up one night after they had spent the day taking care of Lexi. The three of them were snuggled together on the sofa, some old Disney movie (Lexi's favourite this week) playing quietly on the TV. Ben had his head on Callum's shoulder, and Lexi's lay in his lap. Ben sighed quietly, blissfully. 

"You ever think about having our own kids?" 

Since they'd properly gotten back together after the boat crash, Callum had become like a third father to Lexi. With Ben already struggling with his hearing, he offered to take care of Lexi sometimes. The two quickly grew close, and Callum became fiercely protective of the little girl. Most of their time together now included Lexi, and Callum had no issue. 

"Be a bit of a feat of biology, babe." Callum smirked, earning a slap on the chest from Ben.   
"Adoption, you doughnut." Ben laughed. "Or surrogacy."   
"Adoption." Callum said immediately. "Hate thinking about all them kids without parents."   
Ben hummed in agreement.   
"Why, you been thinking about it then?" Callum grinned at Ben, who blushed slightly.   
"Just saw somethin' in the news yesterday, didn't I? Plus, watching you with littleun gets me all sentimental."   
"You? Sentimental? Never thought I'd see the day."   
"Oi, you! Really pullin' the punches today ain't ya?"   
Callum giggled, pressing his lips to a smiling Ben's.   
"I'd love to have kids with you, husband."   
-  
Turns out the process hadn't been quite as simple as they'd thought. After that, they had begun looking into the process of adoption, talking it over with Jay and Lola, and later Lexi, to see how they felt about having another child in their little dysfunctional family. Lexi had been over the moon, and wouldn't stop going on about having another little sibling to look after. They'd tried to tell her that they might be adopting someone older than her, but she was already in her own little fantasy.   
It had taken months of long waits, meetings and tiring assessments, late nights and fights about whether they were truly ready for this, but nothing was better than the day that Ben had told Callum they'd got *that letter* through their postbox. 

*Dear Mr Highway,   
We are pleased to inform you that you and your husband have been approved for adoption... *

Callum didn't think he'd ever be happier than the day that he'd married Ben, but that day, seeing it right in front of him, in black and white- he was going to adopt a kid.   
The look on Ben's face when he to had read the letter was one that he could never forget.   
They'd both raced across the square then, both freezing in their pajamas but too elated to care, and into the Vic, where Jay and Lola were supposed to be on a date night.   
"They've approved us!" Been had shouted, unwittingly telling the whole square at the same time. "They've approved me an' Callum for adoption!"   
Any lingering annoyance on Jay's face at Ben for ruining his date dissipated in that moment as he too laughed in disbelief. There was a cheer from behind them too, and Callum turned around abruptly. Half of the late night punters were now starting at them, along with Mick, who had a huge smile on his face. He raised his glass proudly at Callum, before Ben practically jumped back on Callum's shoulders, bringing his attention back to the small group of people behind him. Right then, it that moment, it was as if everything was falling into place.   
Finally.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How would you feel about fostering a teen?"
> 
> The discussion of who they would actually adopt was never really one they'd had. It had always been 'let's get approved first', and after that it had been quickly round to meeting some of the children. They had been assigned a lovely social worker named Claire, a spritely woman with bright blue glasses and streaks of grey peeking through her bleach-blonde hair. She had talked them through the rest of the process, which had eventually come to them sat in front of her, talking about what kind of child they would be adopting. It all seemed a little backwards to Callum- these were children, after all, not pets- not that he said that in front of anyone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer - As much as I have tried to research adoption and cochlear implants, I can't promise this is going to be 100% accurate. If there are any glaring inaccuracies, don't be afraid to let me know on tumblr!

"How would you feel about fostering a teen?"

The discussion of who they would actually adopt was never really one they'd had. It had always been 'let's get approved first', and after that it had been quickly round to meeting some of the children. They had been assigned a lovely social worker named Claire, a spritely woman with bright blue glasses and streaks of grey peeking through her bleach-blonde hair. She had talked them through the rest of the process, which had eventually come to them sat in front of her, talking about what kind of child they would be adopting. It all seemed a little backwards to Callum- these were children, after all, not pets- not that he said that in front of anyone else.   
Been looked to him then.  
"You have teens here?" Callum said disbelief in his tone. When they'd walked into the centre, he'd only seen smaller children, maybe 5 or 6 at the oldest.   
"Unfortunately, yes." Claire sighed, shuffling some papers on her desk and retrieving a yellowed. file. "Our oldest is fifteen. He's been here since he was ten."   
She passed the folder over to Ben, who opened it between them.

"Noah- poor boy. He's a sweetheart, really. He's just been through a lot. Tends to rub people up the wrong way."   
Callum smiled at Ben at that. There had been a day once when that's how people had described Ben. He looked back down at the folder.   
Before them was a presumably old picture of a smiling boy, with messy brown hair, and freckles scattered across his nose. Thick glasses adorned his nose, and dimples sat in his cheeks at the gaping smile on his face. Callum just noticed a rather red-looking scar tracing around the boy's right eyebrow, but with Claire's description of his life, Callum didn't want to think about where that could have been from.   
Callum's eyes flicked to the notes that were scattered in careful print next to the photo, telling of the boy's details, and, just below, his story. Callum's heart broke just that little bit more when his eyes caught on a couple of words on the page.   
*Removed from birth parents on police order.*  
It seemed Ben had read the words at the same time, because they both looked up at each other then. Callum was sure that his face reflected the look of determination on Ben's in that moment, who turned back to Claire behind her desk.   
"Can we meet him?"   
-  
Two weeks.   
It had been two weeks since that meeting, and they were finally getting to meet Noah.   
Only, Callum was terrified.   
Ben probably was too, but he was just better at hiding it. Callum, though? He was outwardly stressed.   
"What if he doesn't like us? Or what-what if I say the wrong thing, and they don't let us adopt? Or what if-"   
"Callum, I love you, but if you say one more thing I'm going to scream." Ben sighed, a small smirk on his face at his husband's stress. Callum's mouth clamped shut, a blush rising up his cheeks.   
"Look, I love that you're worried about all those things because you care so much, but it's all gonna be fine, alright? If the kid doesn't like us, we find another kid. But I'm not sure it's humanly possible for anyone to dislike you, Callum."   
Callum giggled, pulling Ben towards him by his lapels. "You sure?"   
"Not a doubt in my mind, babe."   
"I love you," Callum sighed, pushing his lips against Ben's carefully, his husband's words helping to calm his racing heart.   
"I love you too, you daft git. Now come on, let's get a shift on."   
"You two off then?" Lola and Jay came through the door just as they parted.  
"Yep," Callum replied, smiling.  
"Good luck! You'll be great, guys." Lola smiled, patting Callum's arm.  
"Cheers Lo," Ben said, smiling at his husband. "Come on then, hubby. It's child time."  
-  
"Okay, so there's just one more thing that Noah wanted you to know before you met him, alright?"  
Claire told them both as they stood just outside a closed room. They both nodded anxiously, hands clasped together between them.  
"Because of the... treatment that Noah, unfortunately, suffered at his birth home," Claire began, a grim look on her face. "He was diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, two years ago."  
Whatever Callum had been expecting, it certainly hadn't been that. He could feel Ben's eyes looking to him, but he wouldn't have known what to say if he had met his husband's eyes.  
"Now, I understand if that changes anything for the two of you-"  
"It doesn't," Ben said confidently, still looking to Callum, who snapped himself out of his thoughts.  
"I'm- um- I'm ex-army. I was diagnosed myself, a couple years ago now," he explained to Claire. Ben squeezed his hand gently.  
*I'm proud of you.*  
"Yeah, I remember now- saw that on your record, I think," Claire smiled sweetly. "I really think you three will get along really well."  
Claire put her hand on the doorknob now.  
"You two ready?"  
Ben and Callum's eyes met for only a few seconds, before they both turned back to Claire again.  
"Let's do this."  
-  
The room behind the door was a small one, but cosy, rather than claustrophobic. A single bed lay across one wall, carefully made with old-looking pajamas laid on the top. Beside that, a bedside table was stacked high with books, small post-it notes and scraps of paper with scrawled writing across sticking out of many of them. Stood next to the foot of the bed was a tall wooden wardrobe, with a window looking out onto a small field next to it. Light flooded in through the window, making the room glow with soft light. The opposite wall was covered almost top to bottom with various papers- photos beside scraps of beautiful artwork, hand-drawn figures and landscapes, alongside quotes that seemed oddly familiar, perhaps from songs Callum had heard before. Next to the collage, reaching from the ceiling down to almost the floor, was what Callum was fairly sure he recognised as a bisexual pride flag. That made him smile- it felt oddly appropriate for them.   
Once he gaged the rest of the room, his gaze fell back around to the middle of the room, where a small desk had been pulled away from one wall and placed with four chairs around it, one already occupied, presumably by Noah.   
The boy in question had been sat with his head staring at his hands, which looked as though they were fiddling with something, in front of him, but had looked up immediately when the three of them stepped in the room. Momentary panic that Callum had known all too well had settled in Noah's eyes until he had focused on Claire, who came in just behind them, taking a seat next to Noah and taking his hand reassuringly.   
It surprised Callum how different Noah looked from the boy in the file. His hair was still the same chestnut brown, but it now curled slightly away from his head. Different glasses now framed black-and-red lined eyes (Callum had no frame of reference at all but *damn* the kid seemed good at makeup), but the freckles still sat across his nose. The same dimples still framed his polite smile. The scar that Callum had seen in the photo was either faded or covered up, because there was almost no trace of it on the boy's face any more. All of it served to make him look older, more mature than the innocent, smiling boy in the photo. Perhaps he was.   
A blue collared shirt sat across his shoulders, which he looked a little out of place in- Callum imagined that he had been wrangled into it in the same way Callum had spent twenty minutes coercing Ben into looking somewhat smart that morning. Ben took one of the other seats at the table, pulling Callum along to place himself in the last available one.   
Claire cleared her throat when Callum sat down. "Noah, this is Callum and Ben Mitchell-Highway. They wanted to come and meet you. They're looking to adopt."   
Noah's eyes seemed to search Ben and Callum frantically, before settling on Ben.  
"You speak sign?" Noah said to Ben, signing the words out slowly. Ben blushed with a smile.  
"Yeah," He said, following along with the sign. "I can hear you speak though, so you don't have to sign at the minute."  
Noah nodded. "Just noticed your implant. A friend of mine has one."  
"Yeah, nifty bit of kit, ain't it?" Ben smiled, reaching up to fiddle with it on habit.   
Noah nodded along. "So this your first time adopting then?"  
"Yeah," Callum joined in. "We got married about three years ago now, and I've always wanted kids."  
Noah nodded. "Welcome to the madhouse."  
That drew a chuckle from Claire, who nudged Noah gently.  
Callum's eyes drifted again to the artwork scattering the walls.  
"Did you draw those?" Callum watched as Noah looked across to the wall, a blush climbing up his cheeks.  
"Er- y-yeah I did," he said shyly, looking down at the table. "Just little doodles I liked."  
"They're beautiful," Ben said in awe, eyes still climbing over the drawings on the wall.  
"Noah's a very good artist," Claire said proudly, attempting to draw Noah into the conversation.  
"I wouldn't say-"  
"They are! I could never draw somethin' like that!" Ben said, a smile on his face.  
"Well- thanks. Helps me get things out, ya know?" Noah said. He suddenly retreated back into himself for a minute, as if he thought he'd said something wrong.

"S-sorry," he muttered.   
Claire immediately put down the pen in his hand. Callum didn't miss Noah's flinch when her hand lay gently on his arm.   
"Hey, it's okay," Claire said quietly. "I told them, okay?"   
It seemed they both quickly picked up on the conversation, because Ben quickly looked towards Callum, worry in his eyes.   
"Yeah- it's okay, I get it, ya know? I'm- I'm ex-army," Callum said, taking a deep breath. As if sensing his nerves, Ben took his hand, offering him an encouraging smile. "I know it's not really the same thing, but I was diagnosed because of it a couple years ago. I didn't really know what to do about it at first, but Ben helped- I started running a lot, helped me to clear my head."   
"Yeah?" Noah looked up carefully at the two of them.   
"I can vouch for that. Took me ages to realise he wasn't insane, getting up at the crack of dawn," Ben laughed.   
"Oh yeah- therapist tried to persuade me with the whole exercise thing- not a chance in hell," Noah laughed.  
"That's what I said to him!" Ben laughed. "Crazy man."   
"You two seem like you really get along," Noah said, looking between them.   
"Yeah, well, he's alright," Ben said, a look of adoration on his face when he looked at Callum. Three years, and nothing had changed.   
-  
The meeting had gone on all afternoon, the four of them sat around the table, conversation flowing. Noah had gotten gradually less nervous, his face staring to light up at the conversation. Claire hadn't said much, just nudged Noah when he got quiet and looked on proudly as the three of them interacted. Soon, though, another man came to the door of the room, pushing it open slightly.   
"Almost dinner," The man said. Claire thanked him, and the man closed the door behind him.   
"Right," Claire announced, looking first to Noah, and then to Ben and Callum. "You want to go on down, Noah? I'll just catch a few details with Ben and Callum, and then I'll be down."  
Noah nodded, standing up. "It was really nice to meet the two of you," he said politely.   
"Yeah, you too, Noah," Ben said. "See ya soon."   
Noah nodded, signing a thank you to Ben and waving at them, before leaving down the corridor. Everything went quiet for a moment, just letting the past few hours settle on their minds.  
"You two did really great," Claire said.   
"He's lovely," Ben sighed, smiling happily at Callum.   
Callum smiled back. "Yeah, he is."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update! I'm actually super pumped about this au, so I hope y'all like it! Have a good week <3  
> Come yell at me on tumblr @artsy-highway   
> Ya bro Leo


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time, Ben was the one looking like death personified. He was pale, a nervous look stuck on his face all morning. He'd barely said a word to Callum, just grunts of 'good morning' and 'tea please'. If Callum hadn't known any better, he would've thought it was just Ben being his old, dismissive self again, but he knew what today was - today was the day that they would introduce Lexi to Noah. And he knew that, despite how well Ben thought he could hide it, Ben was nervous about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer - Regardless of the research I've done, I cannot promise to be 100% accurate in my talk of adoption, or cochlear implants- if there are any glaring inaccuracies, don't be afraid to come tell me in the comments or on tumblr!

This time, Ben was the one looking like death personified. He was pale, a nervous look stuck on his face all morning. He'd barely said a word to Callum, just grunts of 'good morning' and 'tea please'. If Callum hadn't known any better, he would've thought it was just Ben being his old, dismissive self again, but he knew what today was - today was the day that they would introduce Lexi to Noah. And he knew that, despite how well Ben thought he could hide it, Ben was nervous about it.  
Lexi could be a force of nature at the best of times, and a Mitchell at the worst. She was, without doubt, one of the most precious people Callum had ever met, but she had a mouth on her that rivaled her dad's. Callum knew that that's what Ben was worried about; it wouldn't have been the first time that Lexi had spurted something out at a very inappropriate time, and with the tentative relationship they had managed to build with Noah, and all the stuff he had had to deal with, one wrong word...  
Callum pushed his own thoughts aside, focusing on his husband, who was now starting blankly at the TV.  
"Ben?" Callum called gently, to no avail. His husband didn't respond until Callum sat down next to him, placing a hand down on his shoulder. Ben flinched, turning around to callum quickly. This caused Callum to check Ben's implant, which he in turn discovered Ben had not put in yet.  
*Not got your implant in?* Callum signed at him.  
Been just shook his head. *Forgot. Sorry.*  
*It's okay. You're nervous aren't you?*  
Ben sighed, looking down at his feet. Callum nudged Ben, who slowly looked back up.  
*It's okay to be nervous, Ben. What you always tell me,* Callum signed- or, well, he hoped he did. He'd really been trying with learning sign language over the past few years- they both had, and Callum really felt like they were getting somewhere with it. When Ben had given in, having their own language had really helped the two of them. Which, of course, Ben took as the perfect opportunity to insert sexual innuendo into just about every conversation- not that Callum was complaining, of course.  
Been seemed to at least get the gist of it, as he smiles shyly at Callum.  
*Just really want this to work out for us,* he signed.  
*It will Ben, I promise. *  
-  
It seemed that, when they arrived, everyone was nervous but Lexi. As much as Callum had tried to help, Ben's nerves had more rubbed off on him. None of them really knew what to expect. When they had talked to Noah about Lexi he had seemed excited, but there was no way of telling whether that was just politeness. What if Noah hated Lexi? Or Lexi said something -  
"Good morning!" Claire greeted them, standing in the reception area of the centre. "How are we all this morning?"  
"Morning. Not all bad," Ben replied. "This one's Lexi. Princess, this is Claire, remember I told you about her?"  
Lexi enthusiastically greeted Claire (almost everything she did these days came with the same enthusiasm).  
"Right," Claire said, coming off her knees in front of Lexi to look at Ben and Callum. "Are we ready?"  
-  
When they walked into what was now the familiarity of Noah's room, Callum couldn't help but notice that Noah's face matched that of Ben's this morning. Thick black headphones sat over his ears as they walked into the room, which he quickly took off. A smile painted itself across his face, a smile that callum suspected to be fake. Today, his eyes were lined with black, with a red shadow surrounding them. He dressed a little less formally - black jeans and a hoodie with the name of a band that Callum thought he recognised, but couldn't quite place.  
"Morning," Callum smiled.  
Noah quickly straightened himself up, looking somewhat nervously at the door, until Claire followed them in.  
"Hey," Noah smiled, then looked curiously at the girl that now stood just behind Ben.  
"Noah, this is my littlun, Lexi. Princess, this is Noah," Ben smiled, attempting to encourage Lexi out from behind him.  
"Hey there. Your dad's told me a lot about you," Noah said, smiling at Lexi. If he was nervous, he was good at hiding it.  
"I like your makeup!" she said earnestly, coming up to Noah. "Daddy won't let me wear it, even though mum said it's fine."  
Noah laughed at that, a nice, happy laugh. "Really?"  
"I never said that Lex! I just-"  
"You just can't let go of the fact that she's not 6 anymore- sorry it's the truth babe!" Callum replied, smiling. Ben looked at Noah, scandalised, and Noah laughed, sitting on the floor next to where Lexi had sat herself down.  
"Will you do my makeup for me? Yours is so cool!" Lexi said, smiling excitedly. Noah looked nervously at Claire, then at him and Ben, as if silently asking for permission.  
"Come on misery, she ain't a baby no more!" Callum taunted gently. Ben sat himself down in one of the chairs that had been placed in the corner, sighing. "Go on then."  
"Yes!"  
-  
For the next hour or so, the room was filled with happy banter, Noah talking Lexi through everything as he did it. He let Lexi pick colours out of what seemed to be a modest collection of makeup which had been unceremoniously dumped on the floor earlier. Unsurprisingly, everything she had picked out was a bright shade of pink, apart from the holographic glitter that she had only picked because it was named unicorn-something-or-other. Noah was gentle with her, careful, always looking to Ben- perhaps making sure that he hadn't done something wrong. Whenever he looked over, Callum could see a familiar panic in Noah's eyes - panic, perhaps, that he'd done something wrong, that someone would turn on him, but whatever he had expected never came; Ben just looked back with an adoring smile, sometimes an encouraging word, and Noah would go back to his work.

Eventually, Noah left a last stroke of a brush on Lexi's face, and shuffled backwards, looking satisfied with his work.  
"Can I see now?" Lexi asked, not for the first time. Noah just laughed, his smile looking more and more genuine as the afternoon had gone on.  
"Yeah, okay. Shall we show your dads first, while I find a mirror?" Noah said. "Right, big reveal then!"  
Lexi turned around excitedly and-  
She looked beautiful.  
Noah had carefully painted her eyelids with a bright pink shadow, topped with a glitter which just caught the light when Lexi turned her head. Her eyes were lined with black, a small wing on each side. Across her cheekbones, and over the bridge of her nose, were carefully drawn butterflies, blue and orange ones, beautiful and delicate. Her smiling lips sparkled with a subtle lip gloss.  
Neither of them said anything for a few seconds, which had perhaps been the wrong choice, as Noah's face quickly dropped.  
"S-sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" Noah was quickly interrupted by Lexi's squeal as she picked up the mirror that Noah had left on the floor next to her.  
"Lex, you look beautiful! Sorry, Noah, it really is great. You did an awesome job," Callum said, Ben looking somewhat gobsmacked at the girl who had seemingly grown a few years in front of her eyes.  
Lexi quickly turned back to Noah. She really had grown up in the past few years- she picked up quickly that Noah's face had dropped, and panic was now setting into his eyes. She took it into her stride, and put the mirror gently onto the floor.  
"Can I hug you?" Lexi asked quietly. "I really really like the makeup."  
Noah smiled a little at that, and nodded, as Lexi wrapped her arms around him carefully.  
"I'm really glad you like it, Lexi. You look very pretty," Noah said to him quietly, his face beginning to pick back up.  
Lexi suddenly gasped, which startled Noah. She had a mischievous grin on her face.  
"You should do daddy's makeup!"  
Ben, who had previously been looking on at the scene before him with quiet adoration, quickly realised what Lexi had said, and his face dropped. Callum laughed loudly at that.  
"That's a great idea, Lex!"  
"No- don't you encourage her-"  
"Really Noah! I used to do it all the time when daddy and me played princesses. He was a very pretty princess," Lexi explained, giggling. Noah had a wide grin on his face.  
"Really?" Noah asked, looking to Ben, who now looked somewhat exasperated.  
"Unfortunately," Ben sighed. "Yes. But I was a beautiful princess."  
"I can vouch for that, babe," Callum grinned.  
"Please do it Noah! Please!"  
Noah and Lexi now looked to Ben hopefully, who eventually nodded. "Fine!"  
-  
By the end of another half an hour, Ben had just about had enough of being made up. Noah was slow and careful with his work, but Callum just wouldn't stop laughing at him, which he didnt really appreciate. Noah, however, it seemed had really come out of his shell- the moment from earlier seemingly forgotten.  
"And- done!" Noah exclaimed to Lexi, stepping back to view his work. Lexi's eyes flitted around Ben's face, and she burst out giggling. Callum came in front of Ben, who also began laughing at him. Even Noah was chuckling.  
"What? Stop laughin' at me and give me a mirror!" Ben sighed, smiling.  
When he finally did look in the mirror, though, he had to admit- even he looked like a very pretty princess. His eyes had been coated in a muted red shadow, with simple black lining them, and gold glitter across the lids and his cheeks. He couldn't help but smile at himself. Sure, he felt like a bit of a twat, but at least he looked pretty.  
"Oh yes! Don't know what you're all laughin' at, I am a beautiful princess!"  
"That you are, Princess Ben," Callum smiled, pressing their lips together quickly. "Now- I think we need some photographic evidence of this for Lola and Jay."  
Before Ben could say that, no, he wasn't partaking in his own blackmail material, Callum pulled him backwards, a hand around his shoulder. Lexi climbed up right next to Ben, squishing her face with his. For a minute, Noah felt somewhat out of place- this was a moment, and one that he was clearly not welcome into. Until Lexi beckoned quickly, pushing Noah's face between her's and Ben's shoulders. The shock alone made him giggle, and the camera flashed quickly.  
"Lemme see! Lemme see!" Lexi quickly said, tugging the phone from Callum.  
"Oh beautiful! Look at that," Callum laughed, turning the phone towards Noah, whose eyes lit up instantly.  
For a while, he looked genuinely shocked at the photo- it had just caught them all when they had been laughing, and so they all looked happy. The thought may have been a little forward, but- they looked like a proper family.  
Callum didn't stop staring at the photo the whole night, even after they'd left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is just pure fluff and I have no regrets. I fully believe that Lexi will continue to be the purest lil girl even as she grows up, and she will still call Ben daddy, and callum goes from daddy callum to just dad. Also Lexi is about 9-10 in this au. Also I love writing them talking in sign language, I fully believe that they would continue to use it even after the implant. Also also, I don't wanna jinx it, but I'm planning to update this fic every Monday and Friday from now on, with updates on my tumblr if anyone's interested!  
> Hope y'all enjoy this steaming pile of fluff as a bit of a break from the outside world--I hope you're all doing okay <3  
> Leo (@artsy-highway on tumblr)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Are you ever going to put that photo down?" Claire teased gently from Noah's doorway, a folder in her arms.  
> "Shut up, you're the one who gave it to me!" Noah, replied, a smile creeping across his face.  
> "Guilty as charged," Claire said, coming to sit next to Noah on his bed. "Callum really wanted you to have it. Made sure I passed it onto you personally."  
> Noah just hummed in response- why care so much about him?  
> "They really seem like lovely people, Noah. They seem to really like you." Claire said quietly, nudging Noah's shoulder.  
> "Got no idea why," Noah laughed.  
> "Because you're a good person, no matter how much you try to deny it," Claire said gently. She took a breath, signalling that what she said next could cause a rise from Noah. "They were really keen to go ahead with the adoption process."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer - As much as I have done some research into adoption and cochlear implants, I cannot promise that this fic will be 100% accurate--I'm trying my best, but if you can see any glaring errors let me know on tumblr!
> 
> Trigger warning - whilst this whole fic follows a general theme of child abuse and its effects, this chapter is slightly more detailed in Noah's experiences with abuse. There is nothing incredibly graphic, but talk of scars as a result of abuse. If this could trigger you, please don't read it. I'll sum up the events of the chapter at the end so no one misses anything x

Noah couldn't stop looking at the photo. A few hours after their meeting Callum had sent it to Claire, who had then sent it to Noah with a little heart. Claire was a sweet woman, really. She tried hard for Noah- he'd been there so long that he thought she probably had a bit of a soft spot for him at this point. Why she still tried so hard, Noah wasn't quite sure- he hadn't exactly been the easiest child when he had turned up at her centre for the first time, scared, alone and hurting, and more than a little defensive. In the early days Claire had put up with so much from Noah; he was still a little kid who didn't really understand what was happening, other than the fact that his dad hated him. She had treated him well regardless, and Noah couldn't ever thank her enough for it. He supposed she had probably seen one too many cases like Noah's, and subsequently had become somewhat hardened to the treatment. Really, Noah was just surprised she'd lasted this long. Within his first 6 months of care, he moved a lot - caused trouble with the other kids, scared them apparently, even for threatened with juvie once. Claire was the only one that could see past his facade - his defenses just hid the boy who was still terrified and confused, the boy who woke up most mornings with phantom pains in his head, the boy who was scared to close his eyes, and see that man's face behind his eyelids. She had quickly broken through his walls, unafraid to take his shit and give just as good - she wasn't afraid to tell him exactly how it was, which Noah appreciated. He was so tired of being coddled, and she got that. She was the one that sat with him through his nightmares, held him back in his anger, wiped his tears when it was all just a little too hard. She was the first person Noah had come out to, when he was 13. He'd been terrified, and it had taken him five attempts to rip the words from his throat. When he'd done it, Claire had just hugged him and said that she was proud, which had turned into the both of them crying. Noah thought that she was the closest to a real mum that he would ever get.  
Then came the topic of adoption.   
Noah had tried fostering a few times, lived with a couple of families but they had mostly hated him. Between the fact that he cried all the time, was gay and was still processing trauma, as Claire put it, they had mostly gotten fed up of him within weeks. Then he'd pack up, leave the house without warning, and make his way back to the care centre, making up some bullshit story about things not working out. Claire raised her eyebrows and signed at him every time, but the next day she had appeased herself, probably making up some sob story with the family about him. It was like a cycle- get fostered, fight back, return to care.   
When Claire had come to him with Callum and Ben's file, he had been ready to write them off from the start. As much as he hated to admit it, the idea of adoption terrified him. Obviously, a care centre wasn't the best place to live, but he felt safe here. Claire was here- it was familiar, and normal, and boring, and boring was safe. The idea of straying from all of this routine, the normalness that his life had begun to fall into, it scared him more than he cared to admit it. In a new place, there was no telling what it could be like- he had no baseline, he didn't know what to expect, which meant his mind automatically expected the worst. What if he got stuck with another family like his birth family? What if it was worse this time?

Claire had recognised his panic immediately, and had done whatever she could to sedate it. He knew the meetings that he had had with Ben and Callum were a large number more than what would usually be expected with adoptive parents, but he had a hunch that Claire wanted to thoroughly check them out as much as Noah did, and it was somewhat flattering that she cared so much.  
The more they met, the more Noah was able to relax around them. He still insisted that Claire stay with him in every appointment, but, the more they had, the less he found himself looking for comfort in Claire.  
So, when they first talked about him meeting Ben's kid, Noah was hesitant- yet the way Ben spoke about her, the evident love they both had for the little girl, it was infectious.  
Now, looking at the photo of the four of them, all smiling, Ben and Lexi both with makeup on their faces, Noah felt like he'd stepped into a parallel universe. He'd spent the morning staring at the photo like it couldn't possibly be him. It hit him just how much they looked like a proper family.  
Family. A novel concept to Noah. Something that he didn't think he'd ever get the chance to properly have, and yet-  
"Are you ever going to put that photo down?" Claire teased gently from Noah's doorway, a folder in her arms.  
"Shut up, you're the one who gave it to me!" Noah, replied, a smile creeping across his face.  
"Guilty as charged," Claire said, coming to sit next to Noah on his bed. "Callum really wanted you to have it. Made sure I passed it onto you personally."  
Noah just hummed in response- why care so much about him?  
"They really seem like lovely people, Noah. They seem to really like you." Claire said quietly, nudging Noah's shoulder.  
"Got no idea why," Noah laughed.  
"Because you're a good person, no matter how much you try to deny it," Claire said gently. She took a breath, signalling that what she said next could cause a rise from Noah. "They were really keen to go ahead with the adoption process."  
God, adoption. Realistically, Noah knew it would happen one day, there was no use trying to put it off any longer. He had to face the truth.  
"Look, if you don't want to, it's up to you-"  
"I don't know if I can," Noah blurted out. "They really seem lovely, but- this place, I don't know if I can-"  
"Stop right there mister," Claire said, coming to kneel right in front of Noah, as if she could read his thoughts. "I know you have all these doubts in your head, and I know that there's nothing you can do to stop them, but Noah, it's okay to be scared. All that you've been through-" Noah flinched. "It's only natural to be scared. But you have to stop letting this rule your life. You can't let this fear rule what's left of your childhood. I know that it's not that simple, but maybe this is a new start for you? It's not like you won't ever see all of us again, if that's what's worrying you."  
Noah nodded gently, feeling his eyes well with unshed tears at the care in Claire's voice.  
"I tell you what. Maybe the next step is a day out with them, okay? Spend some time with them away from this place, just to see what it's like?" Claire a is hopefully.  
Noah smiled. "That sounds good."  
-  
His hands wouldn't stop shaking, which was a bitch when he was attempting to line his eyes without poking them out. Noah sighed, dropping the pen to his desk for a minute. He looked back at himself in the small mirror propped up on the wall. He looked tired- last night had been a bad night, which just left him with an irritable mood and a sinking feeling that everything was about to go wrong. To top it all off as well, he had just run out of concealer when it got to covering up his scar, and the girl that slept next door had refused to give him hers. Bitch.   
So, short of stealing it, there was nothing he could do to cover the scar was left partially visible- the redness of it peeking through, as well as it's long winding shape, curling around his eyebrow like a snake. Just staring at it took him back, he could feel himself spiralling-  
Nope. He wasn't doing that now. Taking a breath, he picked up his eyeliner and lifted it to his eye again-  
"Morning," Claire came to his door, and he flinched, hard, dropping the eyeliner pencil on the floor.   
"Fucking hell!" Noah shouted, glaring round at Claire. She raised her eyebrow at him slightly. "Some warning might have been nice!"   
Claire just nodded sympathetically. "Bad night?"   
Noah didn't have to say anything in response- it was painted across his face, as he leaned to pick up the liner.   
"You should have come to me."   
"Run out of concealer," Noah said, diverting the conversation. Luckily, Claire sensed his not-unusual reluctance to talk, and ignored the change of conversation.   
"I can try and find you some?"   
"Chloe refuses to give hers up," Noah said, turning back to the mirror again. "Prissy bitch."   
For once, Claire didn't pick up on his choice of language, deciding instead just to sigh tiredly. "You don't have to cover it up, Noah. They know not to ask you."   
"You don't get it, it ain't just about that," Noah sighed, trying his best not to let the anger overtake him.   
"I'm sorry." Claire said quietly.   
Noah sighed. "No, I am. Sorry for biting your head off."   
Claire just smiled kindly at him. "Callum said they'd be here in about ten minutes, if you're nearly ready?"   
Noah nodded carefully. Before he could turn back to the mirror, Claire called his name and threw something to him from across the room gently, which he caught on instinct. Looking to his palm, he found a small concealer pen. He looked up to smile at Claire, who said nothing, just returned his smile and turned back down the corridor.   
-  
Noah had been sat nervously at his windowsill for a while when an unfamiliar car pulled up to the small car park. For a minute, panic rose within him- unfamiliar meant dangerous, unpredictable. But soon, the car turned off, and Ben stepped out of one side, Callum slowly getting out of the other. Callum didn't move much from his side, Ben coming to stand in front of him. Noah couldn't tell from his window what happened between them, but Ben took Callum's chin softly in his hand and turned it to look at him. Ben obviously said something sweet, because Callum quickly pulled Ben into a hug. When they pulled apart, Callum signed something that Noah recognised to be the sign for 'I love you' and he couldn't help but smile at the two of them, as they took each other's hands and walked into the building.   
-  
"Morning, Noah," Ben said cheerily as Noah came down the stairs. He'd been particularly proud of his outfit this morning- an old MCR t-shirt over a blood-red turtleneck, with his favourite black denim jacket and jeans. His makeup complimented the outfit well as well- despite the crappy start to his morning, he was really starting to feel good.   
Callum's eyes lit up and widened when they hit Noah, particularly his t-shirt.   
"MCR! Yes! That t-shirt is awesome, Noah," Callum laughed, excitement covering his face. "I loved MCR for so long."   
"No way," Noah said- Callum's excitement was infectious, and even Ben was grinning quietly at his husband.   
"Yeah- Ben took me to one of their reunion back when we first got together. Best date ever," Callum giggled, looking back to Ben.   
"That's so cool! I'm so annoyed I wasn't old enough back then."   
"You're such a dork," Ben said affectionately, patting Callum's shoulder.

"Nah, it was so cool! They did this one song..."

The two of them quickly launched into a conversation about the band, Noah quickly waving at Claire on the way out before turning back to Callum. Ben said a quick goodbye to Claire, before following his husband, smiling at the eager way they were talking to each other now.  
-  
Later, when Noah returned to his bedroom, a new vinyl in his bag and a new t-shirt alongside it, he carefully tacked the photo of them altogether, him, Ben, Callum and Lexi, to his wall, alongside the rest of his beloved photos. He couldn't stop smiling, and didn't for the rest of the evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary - a more detailed look into Noah's life pre-care. He mentions the abuse of his parent, and what effects this has had on him. Then, Callum and Ben bond over mutual muisc tastes and everything's happy.
> 
> Omg I genuinely think I really like this chapter-like when I was writing it I got such a clear image of Noah and I'm hella happy, if only I could draw :( but yeet. Also the idea of ballum going on an mcr concert date makes me happy.  
> Anyways I hope you're all staying safe and healthy, and that the ballum-rationing isn't too bad on anyone, and if it is, I hope this helps <3  
> Leo (@artsy-highway on tumblr)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noah's getting adopted, finally, and there's a lot of anxiety around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer - I can't promise to be 100% accurate in all my talk about adoption and cochlear implants, but if you see any glaring errors, don't be afraid to let me know x
> 
> Trigger warning - there is some very slightly graphic talk of domestic abuse, but only in the form of a vague nightmare.

*He couldn't see the rest of the room, but he could hear.   
The footsteps.   
Nearer.   
Breathing.   
Flashes of lightning outside, illuminating exactly what he didn't want to see within the room.   
He gasped, breath not passing through his lungs right.   
Everything was wrong.   
He couldn't breathe, he couldn't - *

Noah shouted himself awake, trapped within the sweat-soaked sheets on his bed. His eyes flitted around the room quickly, taking in his surroundings. It was, thankfully, familiar- cracks of light pushed through the heavy curtains, indicating that the sun had risen. The room was still cloaked in darkness, though, leaving the corners to be filled in by Noah's imagination. Too late, Noah felt the tears begin to roll from his cheeks, and suddenly he was sobbing, curling himself up tighter, terrified, yet terrified of asking for help, and so fucking ashamed- all this because of a stupid fucking nightmare-  
It was a knock on the door that jolted him from his spiral. Noah shouted some profanity out the door at the intruder, with very little care as to who it actually was- most likely Claire, but she would understand- and turned back to his wallowing.   
Only, the door creaked open then, and someone slipped inside, closing the door silently behind them, and then knocking a quiet, three-tap code on the door. When that noise comes to Noah's ears, he can feel himself relaxing just a little, the iron grip of his arms around his legs not quite so constricting any more.   
Because that sound- that meant it was Will.   
Will, the quiet boy from next door. Will, with his soft blonde hair and even softer-spoken voice, and bellowing laugh. Will, who had refused to let Noah push him away since the day he moved in to the centre.   
They had this system. Will had been put in care about a year ago. Noah could only assume that it was for a similar reason to his own, as it wasn't something they often talked about. Most nights, especially near the beginning of them being neighbours, one had woken the other up with a shout, but they'd been too shy to confront the other about it. It was Will who did it first. To avoid confusion, or added worry, they would come into the room alone, close the door and knock three times on the back of it.   
That three-knock code was so much between them- it meant 'you're not alone', and 'I'm just here to help', and 'you don't have to be scared' without a word even being said. Will was one of the only real friends Noah had made at the centre- if it was up to Noah and not his own bad luck, their relationship would have been something more than friends, but of course, it was sod's law that Will was straight.   
Will slowly crossed the room, tiptoeing quietly. A soft blanket was placed around Noah's shoulders as Will came to sit next to him on the bed, a respectful distance between them. That made Noah love him just a little more- he would always wait for Noah to initiate any physical contact, even though Will was an extremely tactile person. Quickly, though, Noah reached out to him and collapsed into his arms. Will moved so that he lay back on the bed, Noah's head just above his heart.   
For a while, they just lay, while Noah caught his breath back. He cried, until there was nothing left for him to cry, and Will still held him, until he shifted so that Will could see his face.   
"'M getting adopted," Noah said quietly, somewhat regretful that he was just telling Will now, but Will just nodded.   
"I know. Claire told me," he said carefully. "I'm happy for you."   
"' 'M scared. W-what if it's the same as last time? What if- what if it all goes wrong again-"   
"Hey, look at me," Will waited, smiling gently when Noah did look up at him. "It won't. Trust me. If Claire has let them meet you, she's gonna have done some serious background."  
They both giggled at that.   
"Do you like them?"   
Noah sighed. "I think I do. 'S two guys, from the East End. One's got a little girl- she's lovely. They genuinely seem really nice. One even complimented my MCR shirt."   
Will laughed. "Good music taste? Gotta be a good'un then right?"   
"Exactly."   
They lay in silence for a while then, Noah listening to Will's steady heartbeat.   
"I don't wanna leave you," Noah said quietly, a part of him hoping that Will hadn't heard his vulnerability.   
"It's okay. I'm a tough one, me."   
"Come on, I'm being serious."   
"Noah," Will said, making Noah look directly at him. "It's not like you're going to lose me. You can't give up your chance at a family because of me."   
"But-"   
"No buts, mister. You can do this."  
-  
The room was dark and quiet when Callum heard someone padding down the stairs. He couldn't see what time it was, but it must have been early- the sun still hadn't startes to crack through the curtains yet, announcing the beginning of the day. He knew it couldn't have been Ben- he would sleep through the end of the world, given half the chance, and despite Ben's begging, he couldn't quite find it in himself to wake his husband up. Since Callum's PTSD had become more apparent a few years ago, they had both gotten better about talking about their problems, but there were still times when Callum felt embarrassed waking him up- like now.   
The both of them had been worried about the adoption recently, and Callum still had a tendency to ignore his own problems in favour of helping Ben with his. A few days ago, they'd gotten the call saying that the adoption had gone through, and that Noah would move in within a week. Of course, they were over the moon, but with that came the anxiety of becoming parents. The two of them had talked through it a lot, but Callum had reverted back to his old habits, and had ignored his own worries in favour of Ben's.   
So when Lola had been the one to come down the stairs (they'd had a special sleepover for Lexi's birthday, which she had loved, and had helped ease Callum's own worries) he had quickly plastered a smile on his face.   
"What you doing up so early?" Lola smiled, sitting down heavily on the sofa next to callum.   
*Talk to someone.*  
Callum sighed. "Couldn't sleep. It's it weird that I'm scared about Noah coming?"   
Lola sighed sympathetically. "Of course it ain't. You're about to become a parent for the first time. You'd be crazy if you weren't."   
"Yeah, but, Lexi-"   
"It's all different, though. This time is your choice- your choosing to take this step with Ben, and that is scary, and they're nothing wrong with bein' scared about that."   
Callum didn't look all that convinced. Lola laid a gentle hand on his shoulder.   
"When I found out I was pregnant with Lexi, I was terrified. I spent the whole time I was pregnant thinking that I'd be a terrible mum, and that I'd ruin her. But- ya know when I held her in my arms for the first time, and then all them firsts after that, it just felt right. Like I was doing something right at least. I know it's not exactly the same, but Callum, you have to give yourself a chance. Noah loves you already, anyone could see that. You're gonna be a great dad."  
Callum didn't say anything then, just smiled at Lola, tears coming into his eyes. He muttered a quiet 'thanks, Lo' and hugged her.   
After a moment, he felt a hand on the top of his head, stroking through his hair.   
"She's right, ya know," Ben said from next to him.   
Yeah, he thought. Maybe they were gonna be okay, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one's a bit shorter, and sorry it's a little late - life is pretty hectic of late! But I'm starting to get a clearer picture of the plot of this fic now so yeah--hope you enjoy!  
> Hope you're all staying safe   
> Leo <3 (@artsy-highway is my tumblr)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So, today's the day then?" Jay asked once all of the pancakes had been finished, and Lexi had gone to get dressed. "You ready?"  
> Ben sighed, looking at Callum softly. "I think so. Just- can't really believe it's finally happening, ya know?"  
> Lola smiled. "You're both gonna be great parents."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer - I can't promise to be 100% accurate with any reference to the effects of child abuse, or cochlear implants- if you do spot any glaring errors, don't be afraid to let me know.

Ben could almost imagine the sounds of birdsong that Callum probably heard when he woke up that morning. Living in Central London, it wasn't exactly a regular occurrence, but judging by the clear sky and rapidly rising light outside, the birds had probably begun to sing by that point in the morning.  
There would have been a day, maybe not all that long ago, when it would have put him in a foul mood, not hearing the birdsong for himself. Yeah, some days, it still does. But in reality Ben knew that he was lucky - not lucky that the boat crash had happened, but lucky that he'd had such care afterwards, lucky that Callum had stood by him, unwavering, lucky that the operation had gone without a hitch. It had taken him a long time to get used to having the implant, even with a life of wearing a hearing aid, but again, it was a minor inconvenience. Now, Ben knew that, if he was so inclined to hear the birds singing outside their slightly grimy window, he could have just connected his implant quickly, but he decided that it really wasn't that much of a big deal, especially when the movement would have disturbed his husband sleeping peacefully next to him.  
*Husband*. God, even after the few years of bliss that they'd had since their wedding, it still felt like a novelty to Ben, having a husband. A younger version of him would have scoffed at the thought; Ben Mitchell, settled down, with a man? Not a chance.  
But now? Nothing made him happier than waking up to Callum's bedhead every morning, the pressure of the gold band around his finger, and the framed picture on Callum's bedside table of the two of them, all dressed up in tuxedo's, with Lexi in a beautiful dress between them. Life finally felt like it was settling, and with Noah now almost officially their kid, everything was falling into place so perfectly.  
Every day, he felt beyond lucky that he could do it all with Callum by his side.  
"You're starin'," Ben read from Callum's lips, a sentence so common that he could hear Callum say it in his head, his cockney accent no doubt much stronger when the embrace of sleep was still around his shoulders. It made him smile that, despite his hearing, he could still remember the sound of his husband's beautiful voice in the morning.  
"Just thinkin' about how lucky I am," Ben smiled quietly. "Don't flatter yourself, though. Only cus I can smell pancakes downstairs."  
Callum perked up at that, a mischievous smile coming across his face.  
Their one night sleepover with Lola and Jay had quickly turned into another day over, then another night, as Lexi insisted on a Disney movie marathon, as if she could sense the anxiety coming off her parents. She, of course, knew that today was it- the day when the adoption would be final, and Noah would move in. In her own way, Callum thought she was probably trying to make sure her parents were calm- she had a funny way of knowing exactly what Callum and Ben both needed.  
"Oh God, do you think that's Lo cooking?" Ben muttered, a giggle in his voice.  
*She's gonna burn the house down,* Callum signed at Ben, who let out a laugh.  
*Should probably go and supervise the adults,* Ben signed back. Callum nodded and reluctantly pulled himself out of bed, before Ben caught his hand. He looked back to his husband, an inquiry in his eyes.  
*I love you,* Ben signed at him.  
*I love you too,* Callum signed back.  
-  
"Daddy! We made pancakes!"  
Lexi jumped up to Ben as soon as he walked down the stairs. His implant was now connected just above his ear, and so he could hear the glee in his daughter's voice. She was ten now, not far off eleven, but she still hasn't lost her childish excitement.  
"Your mother successfully cooked something without burning the house down? It's a miracle!" Been said with a smile, ruffling Lexi's hair and taking a seat at the table. Callum placed a coffee down in front of him with a smile.  
"Oi, you! Like you could do any better," Lola said, smacking Ben's hand.  
"Fully aware of that, that's why I married a cook," he replied, grinning.  
"I'm a nurse, not a cook, and I ain't your servant either, mister!" Callum called from the kitchen, bringing our a plate of slightly burnt pancakes. "And neither of you can cook anyway."  
"Oi! I know that!" Been smiled, catching Callum's hand. "And I'm very proud of you."  
Callum blushed and smiled, leaning in to steal a kiss from Ben's lips, which earned a loud 'ew!' from Lexi.  
"Oh, get a room, you two!" Jay said, emerging from the kitchen with a cup of coffee in his hand.  
-  
"So, today's the day then?" Jay asked once all of the pancakes had been finished, and Lexi had gone to get dressed. "You ready?"  
Ben sighed, looking at Callum softly. "I think so. Just- can't really believe it's finally happening, ya know?"  
Lola smiled. "You're both gonna be great parents."  
-  
Noah hadn't slept at all, the night before. As much as he hated to admit it to anyone, he was terrified. The boxes of his stuff scattered around his room didn't exactly help- he'd spent hours last night with Will peeling all of the photos from his wall, and packing them carefully into folders, ready for his new home. Will had been nothing but supportive, which made it all the more difficult to stop Noah's heart from falling that little bit more in love with him.   
It felt strange now, looking around a room that he'd been stuck in almost constantly for five years now, looking barren and void of his personality. All of the memories that had covered his wall were gone now, and the fairy lights that used to hang on his ceiling left the room a little darker. It was scary, seeing the room so empty. He'd built his life back up in this room, taken himself from some of his darkest moments and grown, all in those four empty walls, and yet- maybe it wasn't all that bad.   
"Getting nostalgic?" Claire said, once again appearing at his door, a smile crawling across her face.   
"It's just weird, ain't it? Always wondered if I'd get this," Noah sighed.   
"I always knew you would, Noah," Claire said, coming to lay a gentle hand on his shoulder. He only flinched slightly, which was a notable achievement. "You're a good man, Noah. I just wish you could see that."   
"One day," he smiled simply.   
"You scared?"   
"Honestly?" the boy sighed. "Yeah. Pretty terrified."   
"I get it. You have every right to be, but you don't have to be. They're good people, and just because you're leaving doesn't mean I'm never going to see you again. You can't get rid of me that easily." Claire laughed.   
Noah smiled easily. "Thanks, Claire."   
On impulse, Noah walked forward, wrapping his hands around Claire's shoulders. They were soon disturbed, however, when the sounds of a cat pulling up could be heard from outside.   
Claire pulled back to look at Noah's face.   
"You ready?"   
-  
When they got downstairs, Ben and Callum stood in the entrance, looking just as nervous as Noah felt.   
"Morning, Noah," Callum said softly, an excited smile on his face.   
"Yeah, think so- just gotta shift some boxes," he replied, rocking on the balls of his feet nervously.   
"I'll give you a hand," Callum said, grabbing a box to follow Noah out to the car. Claire tuned to smile at Ben.   
"How are the two of you?" She asked.   
"Nervous, mostly. Just want it to go well today, ya know?"   
"For the record, he seems to be taking it quite well this morning. He's... He'll be fragile- he doesn't trust easily, but I have every faith you can give him a good home."   
Ben felt a blush coming to his cheeks. "Thanks."   
"Right, that's the last of the boxes, I think!" Callum said, coming back into the entrance. "Ready for the off."   
"Right- come here, you," Claire said, opening her arms to Noah, who quickly crossed the floor. They hugged for a while, before Noah said a quiet 'bye' and crossed back to Ben and Callum with a smile.   
"Let's go," he said.  
And if an MCR album calmed Noah's nerves in the car on the way home, with Callum not-so-subtly humming along in the background, well, that was their business.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God I love writing ballum fluff, and the idea of them communicating in sign in the future just gets me- I really wanna see them learning bsl together.  
> Anyways, I really liked writing this one, I feel like I'm getting back into it now. Love you guys, stay safe and come see me on tumblr @artsy-highway <3  
> Leo x


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the most part, the first week went okay. It was just them three in the house, Ben, Callum and Noah, with Lexi staying with Lola so as to not overwhelm Noah, and they had a good time. There were a few times when Callum had to shake Ben awake because he could have sworn he heard Noah crying, and Claire had advised them that this might happen, and to be wary of Noah when it does. The first time Callum heard it was the second night after Noah moved in- when he got to the door, though, he could hear a quiet voice, and assumed from the one-sided conversation that Noah was on the phone with someone, so he left him to it. When he'd attempted to broach the subject in the morning, Noah had blushed and just said that a 'friend needed him' and said nothing more.  
> The second time it happened, almost a week in, Callum was woken up by a scream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer - I have tried to do some research, but I can't promise to be 100% accurate with my references to the affects of child abuse, or cochlear implants, but if you do spot any glaring errors, feel free to let me know!
> 
> Trigger warning - there is a reference to death of a loved one (not canonical, a minor oc) within this chapter, and references to ptsd, a little more so in this chapter, as well as a non-graphic panic attack. Please don't read if this will trigger you x

For the most part, the first week went okay. It was just them three in the house, Ben, Callum and Noah, with Lexi staying with Lola so as to not overwhelm Noah, and they had a good time. There were a few times when Callum had to shake Ben awake because he could have sworn he heard Noah crying, and Claire had advised them that this might happen, and to be wary of Noah when it does. The first time Callum heard it was the second night after Noah moved in- when he got to the door, though, he could hear a quiet voice, and assumed from the one-sided conversation that Noah was on the phone with someone, so he left him to it. When he'd attempted to broach the subject in the morning, Noah had blushed and just said that a 'friend needed him' and said nothing more.  
The second time it happened, almost a week in, Callum was woken up by a scream. He looked at the clock next to him blearily, reading that it was 3am. He was about to collapse back into bed after hearing nothing else, concluding that it must have been imagined, when another cry came from just down the corridor. He quickly shook Ben awake, turning the bedside light on. He handed Ben his glasses when his husband looked around confused, and quickly signed *I think Noah just screamed* at him. A look of worry quickly flashed across his face, and Callum pulled himself out of bed, walking quickly down the corridor. He reached the boy's door and knocked gently.  
"Noah, it's Callum, are you okay?" he said softly through the door. He could hardly hear anything of the boy through the door, just his heaving breaths. "It's alright, can I come in?"  
Claire had told them a little of what to do in this situation, the main thing being to not let Noah be alone for too long. She had informed them that, most of the time, his PTSD caused flashbacks to be intertwined with nightmares, which often lead to a panic attack upon waking. It was something painfully familiar to Callum, and he hated to be alone after a nightmare.  
Noah didn't say anything in reply- all that could be heard was his heavy breaths. Ben quickly tapped Callum's shoulder as he waited at the door, looking confused and scared.  
*It's okay, I'm going to talk to him,* Callum signed at him, before pushing the door open gently.  
When he walked into the room, it was dark, apart from the small lamp turned on next to Noah's bed. The boy himself was sat with his back against the headboard, his head between his knees. He was taking panting breaths, with his fists clenching and relaxing periodically. Callum slowly walked across the room, coming to sit on the bed.  
"Hey, it's just Callum, alright? Just try and take some deep breaths for me, nice and slow," Callum whispered.  
"I-I ca-can't, I can't do it, can't-"  
"Hey, listen to me, you can, alright? Trust me, I've been there. Just listen to my voice, we'll take some deep breaths together, alright?"  
Callum couldn't tell how long they were sat there for, but eventually Noah calmed down, his head coming out of his knees. Tear tracks stained his face, and he looked scarily vulnerable. The mask that he seemed to wear in the day of a young boy who couldn't be crossed appeared strangely similar to that of Ben's, that had thankfully been abandoned years ago, was gone, and he looked younger in that moment. The scar that Callum had seen in his profile the first time was more prominent against his forehead, but he didn't dare bring it up. Noah didn't say much, but smiled gently at Callum, nodding carefully when Callum offered him a cup of tea and a film downstairs to try and take his mind off of his nightmare- a distraction that him and Ben had adopted frequently after Callum's own diagnosis.  
After Callum left the room to turn the kettle on downstairs, he quickly noticed the look of embarrassment across Ben's face. He turned to check quickly if he'd connected the implant, which he had.  
"He's okay, he had a panic attack, I was just gonna stick the kettle on," Callum said, stroking his husband's arm affectionately.  
"I wouldn't've even heard him, if you hadn't been there," Ben said, following Callum down the stairs.  
"It ain't your fault, Ben. And I was there, that's the main thing," Callum sighed. "You can't blame yourself."  
"Just wish it didn't make me feel useless."  
"Hey," he said, catching under Ben's chin, moving it up to make Ben look in his eyes. "You are anythin' but useless, alright? You are a great dad, hearing or deaf."  
Ben smiled, feeling tears prick at his eyes. "I love you."  
"Love you too."  
Soon, Noah ended up coming carefully down the stairs, wrapped up in a big hoodie. He'd cleaned the tears from his face, and quite a small smile - presumably he'd heard Ben and Callum's conversation.  
"Hey, how you doing?" Ben said gently.  
"I'm alright," Noah said.  
"Tea's just stewing, but here's the important thing- are you more of an avengers or greatest showman kinda man?" Callum smiled, turning back to the kettle.  
"Ooh, Tony Stark all the way," Noah smiled, giggling slightly at the look of mock betrayal across Ben's face.  
"Aha! Man after my own heart," Callum laughed, passing a mug to Noah.  
-  
By the time Callum had come back from the shop with a new pint of milk that morning, Noah had returned to his own bed for a while. They'd only managed to get half way through the first avengers movie before Ben had passed out of Callum's shoulder, with Noah clearly fighting his eyelids. He'd soon sent them both up, finishing the movie himself (he was an early bird anyway, and wanted to make sure that Noah slept through a few more hours at least). He decided that eventually he would try to broach the subject of his nightmares with Noah, but in reality he knew the boy was unlikely to open up easily. It reminded him all too clearly of events not all that long ago, when Callum had been dealing with his own nightmares- it had taken him so long to confide in Ben, so he knew that he just had to give Noah time.  
"Mornin' you," Been said, coming down the stairs looking noticeably brighter than last night. Both of them had been given a little time off work to allow Noah to settle into a routine, and they had very much been taking advantage of the free time. Since Callum had gotten his paramedic job, time in which they were off work together was increasingly rare- boy that Callum regretted his job. After his diagnosis, Callum had discovered that life in the police force just wasn't for him, but he knew that he wanted to help people. After weeks of searching, it had actually been Ben who suggested him going into nursing. Now? He had no regrets.  
"Mornin' handsome," he said, having seen the implant already attached. Callum followed Ben into the kitchen, curling his arms around his waist. "Sleep okay?"  
"Would've been better with you."  
"Ya great softie," Callum grinned, pressing a kiss to Ben's shoulder.  
"Found this on the sofa this morning, s'it yours?" Callum asked, pulling a small gold chain out of his pocket. It seemed to be a small locket, with a picture of blond-haired boy, perhaps four or five, inside.  
"Nah never seen it-"  
"Where did you get that?"  
Noah's voice, dangerously calm, came from the bottom of the stairs, his eyes trained on the necklace.  
"Morning Noah, is it yours? Found it on the sofa earlier-"  
"Don't fucking touch it!" Noah shouted, crossing the living room quickly to snatch the necklace from Callum's hands. "You've got no clue what it is, so don't fucking touch it."  
"Noah-"  
"Fuck off!"  
With that, Noah grabbed the jacket he'd left draped over one of the dining room chairs, and stormed out of the front door.  
-  
Ben couldn't help but notice the guilt in Callum's eyes when they left the house, searching for Noah. They'd called Claire first, who had swiftly told them not to panic. 

"I'm sorry to say that this isn't the first time this has happened," she told them over the phone. "But it's not your fault. The best thing you can do is try and look for him. If there are any notable places around your neighbourhood that you've visited, he might go there. Just be careful with him. I'll keep my eye out too."  
"Thanks, Claire," Ben said, and hung up the phone. "Notable areas. Where did we take him Tuesday?"  
Before he could say anything else, Ben's phone chimed again with a text, and he checked it quickly.

Noah - The park on the square. Need some time.

"The park- he's at the park." Ben said frantically, showing the text to Callum. Before Callum could move towards the door Ben caught his wrist. "Let me talk to him."  
Guilt flashed across Callum's face, but Ben took Callum's face in his hands.  
"Stop right there- I can see you blaming yourself already. It ain't your fault, alright? Just- let me talk to him."  
-  
It didn't take long to find Noah hunched on one of the swings at the park. Ben could just about make out the necklace between his fingers, his fringe covering the expression on his face. He waited until he was sat across from Noah, on the short wall, before he talked.  
"This is where me and Callum had our first kiss." Noah smirked at that. "Appropriate, I know. He was still with his girlfriend at the time. Think they were engaged."  
Noah looked up at Ben incredulously. "Callum cheated on his girlfriend?"  
Ben nodded. "Painfully far in the closet. Took us, what, three months to get together after that?"  
"You seem really happy," Noah said, not meeting Ben's eyes.  
"Took us a while to get there, but- yeah. I love him, a lot," Ben smiled.  
Noah softly smiled, looking at the necklace in his hands. "Sorry. For earlier. I know I'm not the easiest person to look after."  
"Hey, don't worry about it. Callum doesn't mind, he's dealt with me for four years."  
"I'm sure you're not that bad."  
"I'm better now," he replied, his mind shifting back to just how much he'd changed over the past few years.  
"It's just- this. It's a sore spot for me," Noah said, stroking over the locket between his fingers.  
"You want to talk about it?"  
Noah sighed. Carefully, he opened the locket, revealing the picture inside and showing it to Ben.  
"His name was Thomas. He's- four, I think, there? He's- he was my little brother." Noah took a breath. "He died when I was eight."  
Ben gasped softly. When Claire said he'd been through a lot-  
"Everything went downhill after he died. My dad- he's an alcoholic. Not seen him in years now."  
"We know a little bit about what happened, Noah. You don't have to say anything you don't want to," Ben replied.  
"Thanks."  
"My dad was an alcoholic. Haven't heard from him in years now. He- he near enough abandoned me after the accident when I lost my hearing. At first it was hard, but- Callum helped me to realise that I'm worth more than that, ya know? And- it's the same for you. At the end of the day, you're dad, he's just some bloke who got your mum pregnant," Ben said, smirking to himself about the last time he'd said that, and just how different things had been back then.  
Noah laughed. "That's a pretty good philosophy actually."  
"Well, I do have my moments."  
-  
By the time the two of them walked back through the door, they'd made a slight detour to the chippy, and the fight from earlier was near enough forgotten. Callum looked slightly like he hadn't moved all day, but the still-damp hair told otherwise. He stood quickly when the two of them came through the door, guilt and worry flaking across his face.  
"Hey babe, dinner's here," Ben called.  
"Noah, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean-" Callum started, staring nervously at Callum.  
"Callum, it's not your fault," Noah started. "I overreacted, it's just a bit of a sore spot for me, but I am sorry I shouted."  
"Don't worry about it, honestly, I'm just glad you're okay," Callum smiled warmly.  
"Right, you two!" Ben called. "We are all gonna sit down and eat this deliciously questionable fish and chips, and you are gonna sit and watch Les Mis with me, without complaining, alright?"  
Callum looked at Noah, mock pleading, who just smiled apologetically at Callum.  
"I do have a soft spot for Hugh Jackman's voice?"  
"Yes! Victory!"  
-  
The three of them ended up peacefully curled together on the sofa, and the night from then was calm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually really nervous about this chapter, so let me know what you think!  
> Hope you're all doing well, stay safe, and come find me on tumblr @artsy-highway <3  
> Leo x


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noah’s phone hadn’t stopped buzzing on the table all morning, and he could already feel the embarrassed blush climbing up his cheeks.
> 
> “Ooh mister popular, hey?” Callum grinned over his cereal that morning.
> 
> “Shut up, no, it’s nothing like that,” Noah said back, trying desperately to hide the redness of his cheeks.
> 
> “You’re blushing!” Callum laughed back. “Partner I need to be giving the shovel talk to?”
> 
> “Okay, first off, you are nowhere near intimidating enough to give the shovel talk to anyone,” Noah said, while Callum let out a shocked sound. “And second, there isn’t even anyone to be giving it to, so calm your paternal instincts, alright?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer - I have tried to do some research, but I can't promise to be 100% accurate with my references to the affects of child abuse, or cochlear implants, but if you do spot any glaring errors, feel free to let me know!

Noah’s phone hadn’t stopped buzzing on the table all morning, and he could already feel the embarrassed blush climbing up his cheeks.

“Ooh mister popular, hey?” Callum grinned over his cereal that morning.

“Shut up, no, it’s nothing like that,” Noah said back, trying desperately to hide the redness of his cheeks.

“You’re blushing!” Callum laughed back. “Partner I need to be giving the shovel talk to?”

“Okay, first off, you are nowhere near intimidating enough to give the shovel talk to anyone,” Noah said, while Callum let out a shocked sound. “And second, there isn’t even anyone to be giving it to, so calm your paternal instincts, alright?”

“Sounded suspicious to me!” Ben shouted from upstairs, muffled with the sound of what was probably a toothbrush in his mouth.

“I’m not seeing anyone!” Noah laughed. The ‘yet’ came quietly afterwards.

“Erm, that was a ‘yet’ mister! Come on, spill the beans.”

The truth was, Noah’s phone had been buzzing with updates from the centre, courtesy of Will, all morning. It felt kind of stupid; he was happy here. This place, this house with these wonderful people – it was a place that Noah didn’t ever think he could have. And yet- he was sat here, missing Will. He’d thought maybe the distance would make it easier, but with his nightmares still haunting him most nights, it just felt as though he was getting lonelier, even in a house full of love.

“Noah!” an excited little voice came from the direction of the kitchen, as Lexi ran into the room and straight towards him. “You’re here!”

“Hey there!” Noah smiled – he didn’t even have to fake it, the girl’s joy was thoroughly infectious.

“Will you come to the park with us?”

Noah looked to Callum, who was smiling contently at the interaction. He just shrugged. “Whatever you want to do, Noah.”

“Go on then,” he said. “I’ll grab a coat.”

-

Some days, it was just in the simple moments that it really hit him. Once everything had gone wrong, Noah had learnt to expect so little of his life, because, hey, if you don’t expect much, there’s less chance of disappointment. Secretly, though, it was this that he had always dreamed of. He still had fragments of memories from before, little things that came to him sometimes – flashes of happy family days and quiet evenings, like an alternate reality, different people. Everything in his life seemed to be separated into a ‘before’ and an ‘after’ now – there were memories like that, a simpler time, when nothing had yet been ripped away from him, when he still could see some of the good in the world. And then there was the ‘after’, which seemed to be a kaleidoscope of melancholy happiness that he didn’t really understand. So much had changed so quickly that sometimes it felt as though it was someone else’s life playing out in front of him. And yet- now, here, watching Ben chase his daughter around the park, her laughs filling the air, maybe he could start to see some of that goodness again.

“You look pretty deep in thought there,” Callum smiled, coming to sit on the bench next to him.

“Not really, just- it’s sweet to watch Ben and Lexi like that,” he sighed.

Callum hummed, a proud smile across his face. “Makes me love him that bit more. He’s a great dad.”

“You two are proper cute together.”

“I like to think so.” Callum laughed. “Took us so long at first. We were both such different people back then.”

“Yeah?”

Callum nodded. “Sometimes I wish it hadn’t, you know? I spent so long lying to myself, and I don’t even know why. Scared, or something, but- if I’d have known that it would get me here, I wouldn’t’ve hesitated. We had so much to fight against when we first got together, so much crap, what with Ben losing his hearing, me getting my diagnosis, but- I don’t regret any of it. As much pain as it caused, I don’t think I could ever regret fighting for him.” Callum shook his head a little, as if remembering where he was. “Sorry, you probably don’t wanna hear me drone on-“

“No, really, it’s sweet.” Noah sighed. “You were right earlier, you know.”

Callum’s face lit up, like a cat with cream. “I knew it!”

“No, nope, it’s not like that, it’s just-“ Noah sighed. “I don’t even know what it is.”

“Crush? Or unrequited, hopeless lover?”

“Very much unrequited. He’s straight.”

“That’s what I said for years.”

“Yeah, but-“

“Have you ever actually talked to him about it?”

“Not a chance. I’m not exactly the warm and cuddly type. Plus, he’s my best friend- my only friend really. And he’s put up with so much shit from me, I just- I constantly feel like I’m one bad move from losing him,” Noah flinched slightly then, remembering that this was Callum he was talking to. “Sorry, sorry, I shouldn’t-“

“Hey, it’s alright, I don’t mind. Look, the way I see it, if he’s a good friend, then he’ll be able to shrug it off if he doesn’t feel the same way. And if he does, well, there ain’t no regrets then, is there?” Callum said. “And- you don’t need to apologise about talking to me. I get why you do, but you don’t have to.”

“That’s pretty solid advice actually. And- thank you. I’ll keep that in mind.”

-

“Will!”

Noah couldn’t help but smile when he saw the other boy sat, waiting outside the centre. His face lit up when he smiled back, his blonde hair just catching the wind.

“Look at you, mister family man! How’s it going with Ben and Callum?” Will laughed.

“They’re proper lovely. How’s it going here?”

“Weird without you. I’ve got a new neighbour and he’s a right prick. Is it weird that I miss you?”

That made Noah’s heart race. “N-not at all.”

“Right come on, out with it, you. You’ve got me all anxious, asking me out for a walk. I don’t think you’ve ever willingly gone outside.”

“Excuse me!” Noah laughed indignantly. Will just raised one eyebrow, and the nerves returned to Noah’s racing heart. “Right, the thing. The thing is-“

Noah sighed again. His heart was racing, too fast to be healthy, but it felt like there was too much going on inside his head. He knew he had to get this out before he collapsed. “Look, you’re my best friend, and I- I would never wanna lose you-“

“You’re my best friend too- are you okay? Do you need to sit down?”

“I like you, alright? I fucking like you, and I can’t stop thinking about it, and Callum told me I should just go for it, but-“

“Can I kiss you?”

Noah was fairly sure in that moment, his heart stopped. “W-what?”

“Right now. Can I kiss you?”

Noah couldn’t do anything but nod, and then everything stopped when Will’s lips touched his, because, damn. Noah had always hated those cheesy romantic novels, because he hated how unrealistic it sounded when the author described what a kiss felt like, but, right now, it was as though he understood. Right there, the wind freezing his cheeks, Will’s hands on his shoulders and his lips pressed softly against Noah’s own, the anxiety stopped bubbling in his stomach, just for a minute. Everything just seemed to pause, and all rational thought flew from his mind, except from just a chorus of Will, Will, Will. Had he been aware of anything other than his own little bubble, he might have heard Callum cheering like a proud father (and didn’t that feel strange) from where he’d parked the car a few metres away. As it was, him and Will finally parted, and it was like the other boy had taken all of Noah’s conscious thought with him.

“O-oh. Right,” was all that Noah could force from his mouth.

Will smirked, a beautiful blush painted across his cheeks. “Right.”

“But- you never said-“

“I know,” Will replied, sighing. “I’m sorry I never told you. I just- I wasn’t sure what I was feeling.”

“That’s okay- I’m just glad I didn’t look like a total idiot coming here,” Noah smiled.

“I’m glad you did.”  
-

“Went well then?” Callum smirked, a mischievous look on his face as if he hadn’t just watched the whole exchange.

“Shut up,” Noah laughed, sitting back in the car. “Thank you for the advice.”

“Anytime. I’m great at relationships, me.”

-

Noah’s little bubble of happiness was burst as soon as he walked through the front door, anxiety bubbling in his stomach again, the taste of bile in his throat. Claire was sat at the dining table nursing a mug of something steaming, with Ben sat next to her. They both looked as grave as each other, looking towards Noah with something akin to pity when he walked through the door.

“Claire? What are you doing here?” He asked, feeling his fists start to clench at the uncertainty of the room in front of him.

“Hey, just come and sit down for a minute,” she said carefully. He followed her directions, hiding his shaking hands underneath the table. Callum, who had been otherwise silent, followed suit, coming to sit next to his husband. Worry was painted across his face as Ben’s hand slid effortlessly, naturally, into his.

“What’s going on?” Noah asked, turning directly to Claire.

“Noah, listen to me. I need you to hear me out, and I need you to let me explain the situation-“

“Just tell me what’s going on!” he said loudly, feeling a stab of guilt flash through him when Callum flinched slightly at his tone of voice.

“We had a letter this morning,” Claire sighed. “It’s from your birth mother. She wants to see you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I don't really like this chapter but it's more of a filler to move things along, and sorry for the cliffhanger hehe! Hope you're enjoying, and thanks for all the lovely comments recently, don't be afraid to comment!  
> Hope you're all staying safe, and come find me on tumblr! @artsy-highway   
> Leo <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It felt like every bit of warmth from the last hour dripped straight out of Noah when those words met his ears. A cold washed over him, and for a minute he wished he was alone. All he wanted to do then was cocoon himself in his bed, hiding away from the memories that hearing about her brought back. Flashes of times that he couldn’t really remember, but every single one brought with it a flash of anger, a flash of the loss of a childhood that he’d never really known; one that had disappeared when she had left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer - I can't promise to know everything about cochlear implants, or the effects of child abuse, despite doing research--if you see any glaring issues, don't be afraid to let me know x
> 
> Trigger warning - the effects of Noah's ptsd is seen more prominently in this part, in the form of a sort-of nonverbal episode, but not really? Idk, if you think this might trigger you, please don't read x

It felt like every bit of warmth from the last hour dripped straight out of Noah when those words met his ears. A cold washed over him, and for a minute he wished he was alone. All he wanted to do then was cocoon himself in his bed, hiding away from the memories that hearing about her brought back. Flashes of times that he couldn’t really remember, but every single one brought with it a flash of anger, a flash of the loss of a childhood that he’d never really known; one that had disappeared when she had left. No matter how many times someone had tried to explain it to him, he couldn’t help but resent her, excuses or not. He had no idea how long he’d been sat there, but when he became aware of what was around him again, there was an arm resting on his shoulder. He flinched heavily away from the touch, bringing a hand up to scratch at the back of his neck; a nervous habit he’d adopted years ago. The hand quickly retreated, but laid itself on the table in front of him instead. He was vaguely aware of a voice, probably Claire’s, calling his name, but his mouth wouldn’t form the words, too busy racing with the thoughts of that woman. Why would she want to see him, after all these years? After everything that had happened-

The hand in front of him tapped gently on the table, attracting his attention. He followed it’s owner to see Ben, a mask of fake-calm badly masking the worry on his face. Before Noah could try and force words to form themselves on his tongue, Ben’s hands started moving slowly, in a pattern that felt familiar-

Ben was signing to him.

‘Do you want us to leave?’ he signed, his movements slow and careful to make sure that Noah understood. The care in his face shocked Noah for a minute; he hadn’t tried to force words out of him, just did what he could to make the boy comfortable. Noah shook his head in response.

‘I’m okay, just don’t know what to do’, he signed back.

‘Do you want a drink? Tea?’

A smile pulled at his face just a little at that. Both Ben and Callum seemed to be of the same mind, most of the time – that a cup of tea fixed everything (in his experience, it often did). ‘Yes please.’

“I’m just going to stick the kettle on,” he said quietly to Claire, and left the room. Callum turned to him then, signing a quick ‘well done’ before following Ben out of the room. Claire smiled at him gratefully.

“Noah,” Claire said quietly. Her voice still felt like a comfort to him. “We can do whatever you want to about this. It’s completely up to you. I don’t want you to do anything that you’re uncomfortable with. However, she did leave this for you- I haven’t opened it.”

Claire reached into the bag next to her, and brought out a slightly creased envelope. His name alone was written in careful handwriting across the front, and the back was still intact. Noah, though, couldn’t bear to take it at first. It felt as though he’d slipped into some parallel universe; he hadn’t seen his mother in years, and barely had any memories left of her now. So why did she want to see him. His hands shook as he reached to take it from the table, carefully ripping the back of it open. Inside, a simple note lay, written carefully in black ink on a single sheet of paper.

Noah,

For so long I didn’t think I would ever have the strength to write this. The day that I left you is the day that I will regret for the rest of my life, and I’m not going to ask for your forgiveness, because that would be unfair of me. I don’t think I could ever forgive myself for what I did to you, and so I could never ask you do to the same. But I do miss you. Not a day of my life goes by without missing your beautiful face. It makes me wonder how much you’ve grown today. Whoever you are, I’m sure you’re just as beautiful as the last time I saw you. I could never try to ask for your forgiveness, but can you at least let me try and earn it? I just want to meet you again. My beautiful boy.

Love, Mum

Noah’s hands wouldn’t stop shaking by the time he reached the end of the letter, so much so that he could barely read the words any more. Before he gave them permission to fall, there were tears coating his cheeks, running like cracks down his face. Everything blurred in front of him, masked by the tears in his eyes, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. It felt like a dam finally breaking – he’d been holding onto this for so long, whether it was the shame of breaking down, or the fear of retaliation for showing his feelings so openly, but now there was no holding back. But- here was the difference; now he didn’t have to be alone. Soon, he felt a careful hand on his shoulder and, when no flinch followed, the hand wrapped around his shoulders gently, a warm, loving embrace. There was a caring voice in his ear, whispering something along the lines of ‘it’s going to be okay’. Another hand stroked over his arm, and his head fell onto someone’s shoulder.

He didn’t know how long he was sat there, but eventually, his eyelids became too heavy to hold. He didn’t have it in him to worry about the fact that he was falling asleep at the dinner table, he just allowed himself to give in to the comfort.

-

Eventually, Noah quietened on Callum’s shoulder, his head nuzzling into his neck. The small huffs of breath against his skin told him that he had fallen asleep. Carefully, he turned his head to check that his eyes were closed.

“I’m gonna put him on the sofa,” Callum whispered, careful not to wake the boy in his arms. He lifted him carefully, placing him on the sofa, and draping a blanket carefully over his sleeping form.

“Just- let me know when he wakes up, okay? And tell him there’s no pressure to decide anything straight away,” Claire said when he came back in, worry painted across her face.

“We will, thanks for coming round,” Ben said gently, taking Callum’s hand as soon as he walked back over. Ben’s thumb stroked carefully over the back of his hand then, a simple reassuring movement that told him that Ben was here, and that’s all it took for the tears to reach his eyes.

“S-sorry,” he said, turning to Ben and resting his head on his shoulder.

“Don’t worry, I’ll let myself out,” Claire smiled sympathetically. On the closing of the front door, Callum let out a stuttering breath into Ben’s shoulder.

“Sorry, sorry, I don’t even know why I’m crying,” Callum let out a wet laugh.

“Hey, it’s okay. You don’t need to apologise for being upset,” Ben said, carding his hands through Callum’s hair.

“I just- I hate that he has to deal with all this, ya know? Just thinking about how I would’ve felt about my mum coming back-” Callum sighed.

“I get it. After all this time, I’d hate to see Phil again. I know it’s not really the same, but- look at me,” Ben took hold of Callum’s chin; carefully tilting it so he would look directly into Ben’s eyes. “You aren’t alone any more. You never have to deal with this on your own, and neither will Noah; because we can be right here for him, whatever happens, yeah? You and me, together.”

Callum sighed, a smile creeping onto his face despite the tears still leaking from his eyes. “We can do this, right?”

“Of course we can. We are gonna be right here for that boy, and we are going to do the best we can to support him.”

“I love you, Ben Mitchell-Highway,” Callum smiled, stroking a thumb across Ben’s cheek.

“I love you too, Callum Mitchell-Highway.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this chapter is a lot of nothing, but important at the same time? Idk, enjoy!  
> Thank you for all the kudos and comments recently, and please continue to leave them--comments mean the world to me <3 enjoy, and stay safe.   
> Leo <3


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wind was cold, but not the comforting kind of cold; not the kind of cold that came in the depths of winter, a cold that you could wrap up warm against and the outside world would still be pleasant- silent in its beauty. No, this kind of cold was the vicious kind – the kind that bit at your cheeks harshly and ate away at your ears, turning them red-raw. Wind bit away at Noah’s exposed hands, clawing at the already-dry flesh – now he regretted ignoring Callum’s suggestion of gloves. It was Will’s warmth, tucked up next to him, a warm hand stroking carefully over his cold one, that stopped him from running straight back to the house. Once he’d woken up, the first thing he’d said was that he had to meet with Will. Callum gave him a knowing smile, but agreed nonetheless- which lead to the two of them sat side by side, pressed together against the warmth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer - I can't pretend to know everything about the effects of PTSD, or cochlear implants- I've tried my best, but if you can see any glaring errors, don't be afraid to let me know <3
> 
> Trigger warning - there is a slight reference to an almost-panic attack and a nightmare at the beginning of the chapter, please be careful if this could be triggering.

*

Long, blonde hair.

Piercing blue eyes.

A happy laugh, a smile that almost didn’t feel fake. It was a common memory- just an average, clear summer day, playing about in the garden. A day from well before anything had changed- mostly because Thomas’ smiling face was still roaming around, giggling happily, without a care in the world, in the summer sun.

Before everything changed.

The happy memory was taken over by his face, glaring and leering drunkenly.

And then it was Thomas again- the innocent little boy who had gotten caught up in something that he never should have had to live through. That man was standing behind him, and his innocent little smile turned quickly to one engulfed by fear, but there was nothing Noah could do but watch.

He was so helpless, useless, defenceless- if only he could move- just reach for him-

*

Noah bolted awake, shaking hard. His breaths wouldn’t come right, and he felt too aware of everything around him, like everything was closing in, and, fuck, there was not enough oxygen in the room-

“Noah? Buddy, can you just listen to me a minute? You’re okay, you’re downstairs and it’s just me and Ben,” Callum’s soothing, gentle voice knocked him out of the last tendrils of sleep that still gripped onto him with a vengeance. It just about registered then that Callum had called him ‘buddy’, which drew a little smirk onto his face.

“B-Buddy?” Noah smirked, is breaths beginning to calm slightly.

Callum laughed a little. “Don’t bully me, it just came out.”

Noah let out a breathy laugh, finally forcing his eyes open. The room around him was dark, but small tendrils of light were just beginning to crack through the curtains – it must have been near to dawn. Callum, with messy bed hair, was knelt next to the sofa that Noah was currently resting on, with just a sleep shirt covering him. Worry was clear in his eyes, which were trained on Noah’s face.

“What you doing up so- so early?” Noah asked quietly, shaking hands going to stroke over the soft blanket in his lap.

“Just needed some water,” Callum replied. A sympathetic smile crossed his face. “You okay?”

“Yeah, just another nightmare, thinking about today,” Noah sighed. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

Callum sighed, reaching his hand up to pull at the corner of the blanket. “That’s really up to you. No one else can make that decision for you, but we can be here to help you with whatever you decide.”

Noah smiled, a blush climbing up his cheeks at the comforting words. “Thank you.”

-

“So, she’s back then?”

The wind was cold, but not the comforting kind of cold; not the kind of cold that came in the depths of winter, a cold that you could wrap up warm against and the outside world would still be pleasant- silent in its beauty. No, this kind of cold was the vicious kind – the kind that bit at your cheeks harshly and ate away at your ears, turning them red-raw. Wind bit away at Noah’s exposed hands, clawing at the already-dry flesh – now he regretted ignoring Callum’s suggestion of gloves. It was Will’s warmth, tucked up next to him, a warm hand stroking carefully over his cold one, that stopped him from running straight back to the house. Once he’d woken up, the first thing he’d said was that he had to meet with Will. Callum gave him a knowing smile, but agreed nonetheless- which lead to the two of them sat side by side, pressed together against the warmth.

“Yeah. Claire hand-delivered the letter and everything, says I just have to make a decision about it all now,” Noah sighed. “Because, of course, it’s just that simple to decide if you want to meet with your absentee mother again after seven years.”

“Hey,” Will said, turning to Noah. “No one expects you to just make this decision like that, and I’m here to help you.”

Noah felt a blush climbing his cheeks. “Thank you. I just- there’s a part of me that’s curious to see what she’s like, after all this time, but then I just feel guilty because of everything that happened. I feel like I shouldn’t want to see her.”

“Look, it’s only natural that you’d want to see her. There’s nothing you should feel guilty about either- she left when you were young, so of course you’d want to see her.” Will smiled. “But also, there’s no shame in saying no, right? You shouldn’t feel pressured either way.”

Noah sighed. “Since when did you get so clever?”

“Always been a fountain of knowledge, me,” Will replied with a smile, squeezing Noah’s hand. Noh snorted, and Will looked towards him, mock-disgust on his face.

“In all seriousness though, I’ll be here whatever you decide to do, but- maybe it might be good for your piece of mind to see her. It only has to be once. It might help you get some closure, maybe clear you mind a bit?” Will said, watching Noah’s reaction carefully.

“Yeah,” Noah replied. “I think you might be right.”

-

“Hey, Noah. You have fun with Will?” Ben asked when he walked through the door, an element of teasing in his voice that suggested Callum had told him about the events of the other day between him and Will.

“Yeah, fine thanks. And don’t you start as well with the teasing about him. I’ve got enough of it from Callum.”

Ben held his hands up in mock defence, but smiled back at Noah. Then, his face took on a look of sympathy. “Did you talk to him about everything?”

Noh sighed. “Yeah. He said some pretty smart stuff, surprisingly. About how maybe seeing my mum might give me some closure, and I think he might be right.”

“Sounds sensible enough,” Ben nodded. “So you think you’re gonna do it then?”

“I think so- that’s alright, right? With the two of you? I don’t want to make you think I’m not grateful, or-“

“Hey, look. Whatever you want to do is fine with us,” Ben said. “Both Callum and I just want you to do what’s best for you.”

“Thanks,” Noah said, a blush climbing his cheeks.

“Do you want me to call Claire?” he asked.

“Nah, you’d better do it in the morning now,” Noah smiled.

“Fair enough.” Ben said, a smirk on his face. “Movie night then? Lexi’s over later and I might be able to convince Callum to let us watch a musical.”

-

Later, Noah fell into a peaceful sleep - the first in a while – surrounded by safety. He could deal with the whole mess with his mother in the morning. For now, he just needed to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is quite short, but I have plans coming! Next chapter is going to be... Eventful! Also I just adore the idea of Callum calling Noah 'buddy' it's just so soft 🥺  
> Hope you're all staying home and staying safe x  
> Leo (come find me on tumblr @artsy-highway) <3


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It felt as though Noah’s shoes were filled with lead, and his lungs were stuffed with cotton. He couldn’t seem to get a breath in right, and hadn’t been able to since a nightmare shook him awake that morning. He could feel himself on edge, despite the comforting presence of Callum and Ben standing with him. His brain was going a thousand miles an hour with what-ifs, piling up all of the possibilities, all of the possible outcomes, or ways that today could be a total shitshow – which, let’s face it, it probably would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer - I can't promise to be 100% accurate in my writing on certain issues. I've tried my best to do some research, but if you do see any inaccuracies don't be afraid to let me know!
> 
> Trigger warning - there is a little more explicit talk of abandonment/domestic abuse in this chapter, and reference to a character death (minor, non-canon and OC) so please be careful <3

“I can’t do this.”

It felt as though Noah’s shoes were filled with lead, and his lungs were stuffed with cotton. He couldn’t seem to get a breath in right, and hadn’t been able to since a nightmare shook him awake that morning. He could feel himself on edge, despite the comforting presence of Callum and Ben standing with him. His brain was going a thousand miles an hour with what-ifs, piling up all of the possibilities, all of the possible outcomes, or ways that today could be a total shitshow – which, let’s face it, it probably would be. But, regardless of all that, he’d asked for this. He’d been the one to decide to meet his mother, the woman who abandoned him with an alcoholic, abusive father, all those years ago-

Okay, thinking about that wasn’t going to help anything. The reality was that this was happening; a small part of him knew that it had to. He’d spent the last five years of his life wondering about his mother, and now she was, quite possibly, just a couple of rooms away from him. No, as much as his body seemed to be rejecting it (given the fact that he hadn’t been able to hold down food all morning), this was something that he had to do. He couldn’t just let himself fall at the last hurdle.

So he followed when Ben directed him to a small plastic chair in the corridor, while Callum went to tell Claire that they’d arrived. He listened when he told him to take some deep breaths, and that everything was going to be okay (there was a 50/50 chance it would be very not okay, but he tried not to let himself dwell on that for too long). He laughed along when Ben started relaying a story to him about Callum before they’d met him the first time, and how nervous he’d been, in a last ditch attempt to take Noah’s mind off the impending situation. It worked for a little while, allowing him to focus on something other than what his mind was trying to tell him, until he saw Callum, with Claire by his side, coming back down the corridor.

“I’ve just been embarrassing you, I’m afraid, babe,” Ben said, smirking as he stood up. Callum’s cheeks immediately flushed.

“Okay, whatever he’s told you, I can guarantee it wasn’t actually that bad,” Callum replied, mock-glaring at Ben with an embarrassed smile. Claire let out a small laugh at their interaction, then turned to Noah.

“Morning, how are you feeling?” she asked patiently.

“You want the real answer, or the ‘I’m-trying-to-protect-your-feelings’ one?” Noah replied, pushing a smile onto his face. Claire smiled back sympathetically.

“You’re doing so well. We’re all very proud of you,” Claire replied, sympathy lacing her voice. Both Ben and Callum nodded in agreement. “It’s all going to be okay, I promise. You ready to go?”

Noah sighed, exhaling harshly. Now or never.

-

“Do you want me to come in with you?” Claire asked. They’d left Ben and Callum behind to occupy the uncomfortable plastic seats, and Claire had lead him down a long blue corridor, leading to what appeared to be a series of small meeting rooms, each one with a door pulled closed and a single window next to it. The lights were off in all except one.

“No,” Noah replied, sighing. “One of those things I’ve got to do myself.”

Claire nodded. “I’ll be right outside the door the whole time, okay? So you just shout if you need anything. You can go in whenever you’re ready, she’s already in there.”

Noah nodded, his hands shaking, and pushed the door open.

Inside, the room was painted a decidedly non-threatening shade of baby blue, with a window on the opposite wall, through which you could see the grassy field outside. There was a filing cabinet set up in one corner, and a bookshelf filled with all kinds of books on the opposite wall. In the middle of the room a single wooden table was set up, an empty chair pulled out waiting for him. On the opposite side of the table, the other chair was already occupied by that woman- except she looked so different.

Her once-long, blonde hair now sat just above her shoulders, with a fringe that covered the side of one eye. She looked older, more worn down my life, with wrinkles set into her forehead. Bags under her piercing blue eyes suggested that she’d gotten just as much sleep as Noah had on the lead up to this. She was dressed in a white blouse and jeans, with a woollen cardigan wrapped around her shoulders. When she looked up at Noah, her eyes filled with tears.

“Noah,” Louise whispered, her voice unsure, but with obvious relief in her tone.

“Hey,” Noah replied, looking down to the table as he sat in the chair. There was an awkward silence for a minute when she reached a hand across the table towards Noah’s, and he flinched away. Hurt flashed across her face, but she brought her hand back.

“It’s good to see you, Noah,” she said quietly.

“Really?” Noah bit back, anger tingeing his voice. “Good to see me?”

“Noah, please. I don’t want to argue with you-“

“Then why did you write to me? What is all of this about if you’re not going to talk about all of the shit that happened?” Noah replied venomously.

“Because I wanted my son back, Noah, please, just hear me out-“

“No! You can’t just abandon me and then waltz back into my life because you’ve decided you want to be a mother again!”

She sighed, pleading with her eyes. “Noah, I was having a nervous breakdown-“

“I was eight years old! I was eight years old, and my brother had just died, and you just ran away from it all,” Noah cried, angry tears burning in his eyes at the thought of his brother. “Do you even know what happened after you left? What you left me with? Dad was a recovering alcoholic, and you really thought it was safe to leave an eight year old with him after his son’s death? He relapsed after you left. Got himself shit-faced most nights, and he took it all out on me. He abused me, for years.”

Louise gasped, the tears that were previously held within her eyes spilling onto her cheeks. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry, Noah.”

“They had to take me away from him- the police. I was in care for five years, in and out of foster homes,” Noah said, his voice quietening, as the anger within him started to dissipate.

“Noah, you have to believe me. I don’t expect you to forgive me, ever. What I did was wrong. I understand that now, I promise you. It will forever be the one thing that I regret the most in my life, because I love you, Noah.” She whispered, her voice pleading. “I never wanted to loose both of my sons.”

At that, the dam in Noah broke, and the tears that he’d been trying so hard to stop spilled over. When Louise reached her hand across the table again, he didn’t flinch back but let her slide her hand into his, squeezing gently, comfortingly.

“I’ll never be able to apologise enough for what I did to you, Noah,” she said, crying tears of her own. “But I wanted you to understand.”

-

“He’s been in there ages- should he have been in there that long? What if something’s happened or he’s had a panic attack, or something? Callum, what if-“

“Hey, Ben. Look at me,” Callum said gently, pulling on his husband’s hand. They’d been sat on the hard plastic chairs for half an hour now, and Ben had been pacing for about as long. “They aren’t going to let anything happen to him. Claire said she’d be outside the door the whole time in case anything happens, so just- come and sit down with me, yeah?”

Ben sighed, sinking into the chair next to Callum. “When did we become such dads, ey?”

Callum smirked, taking Ben’s hand. “Think we’re pretty decent at it, don’t you?”

Ben smirked back at that, a rare blush appearing on his cheeks. “You think?”

“I know- I’ve spent years watching you with Lex. You’re a natural. I’m just-“

“Oh no you don’t, stop right there mister. You ain’t ‘just’ anything, right, and I’m not gonna let you play yourself down, alright? You’re a great dad, no question.”

A bright blush fought its way up Callum’s cheeks at Ben’s words. He’d always loved that about his husband, since the day he’d met him, all those years ago- just how easy it was to make him blush. Despite Ben’s years of abusing that quality, very much for his own benefit, it had never changed. Callum looked away from him then, instead staring at their intertwined fingers. Both of their wedding rings caught in the fluorescent lights of the corridor, making them stand out from pale skin. Callum smiled this bashful, shy smile, then turned to look back at Ben.

“I love you so much, ya know?” He smiled blissfully.

Ben smirked back. “Yeah, think I might just’ve thought as much.”

-

“Claire told me you got adopted, Noah.”

Despite the situation, a small smile crept onto Noah’s face at that thought.

“Yeah, I did. Ben and Callum- they’re really great to me. Ben’s got a daughter, she’s lovely,” Noah replied. “She reminds me of him sometimes, too. She’s got this great laugh.”

Louise smiled gently. “Are you happy there?”

“Happy?” Noah sighed. “I spent two years in care, in and out of foster homes. This is the first place that makes me feel safe. After- everything that happened, they made me get a therapist, the care workers. They diagnosed me with post-traumatic stress disorder.”

Louise inhaled sharply, squeezing Noah’s hand in support, but said nothing, sensing there was more to his answer.

“When they found out though, Ben and Callum, they didn’t freak out. They’ve been so great with me. For the first time in so long, I feel like I’ve found a place you know? So, yeah, I’m happy there.”

“I’m so proud of you, Noah. I hope you know that,” she smiled, another tear rolling down her cheek.

“Do you still miss him?” Noah asked quietly, staring intently at the table. Solemnity hung in the air- there was no need to declare who he meant.

“Every day of my life, I miss him. I visit his grave every month, more if I can,” she replied. “Have you been to see it? His meadow has really grown.”

Tears burnt at Noah’s eyes again. “No, I haven’t been in a while. Too difficult.”

“Would you come with me?” Louise asked tentatively, but Noah squeezed her hand.

“Yeah, I think I’d like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A slightly longer one today, and a little more intense, but I'm really happy with this one, I managed to get it out in one evening 😂 Unfortunately, this story is coming to an end soon (I have more plans for this au in the future though) but if there's anything that you'd like to see me write in the future hmu on tumblr @artsy-highway  
> Stay safe!   
> Leo x


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somehow, the place felt completely alien yet painfully familiar, all at the same time. It had definitely changed since the last time he’d been here, almost two years ago now. He tried to ignore the guilt that burnt through him at that thought- this really wasn’t the time. The place did look beautiful though- daisies had begun to spring up all around, dotting the field with white and yellow. Huge, tall oak trees swayed gently in the breeze, just a few metres away, casting long shadows beneath them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer - I can't promise to be 100 %accurate with the topics in the story, but if there are any huge inaccuracies don't be afraid to let me know :)
> 
> Trigger warning - sort of non graphic description of a panic attack, OC character death mentions, talk of greif- please don't read if this could trigger you x

Somehow, the place felt completely alien yet painfully familiar, all at the same time. It had definitely changed since the last time he’d been here, almost two years ago now. He tried to ignore the guilt that burnt through him at that thought- this really wasn’t the time. The place did look beautiful though- daisies had begun to spring up all around, dotting the field with white and yellow. Huge, tall oak trees swayed gently in the breeze, just a few metres away, casting long shadows beneath them. The day that they’d picked to come had turned out to be warm and pleasant – a rarity in Britain – which just added to the graveyard’s melancholy beauty. It was quiet, bar the sound of crisp grass crunching under their feet as they followed the winding paths. There was no one else there, which Noah was silently thankful for- this would be hard enough as it was without other people to worry about. Louise walked in front, leading the way with a small bunch of flowers in her hands- bright blue ones that Noah couldn’t hope to name, carefully arranged and tied with string around the base. Ben and Callum walked silently behind him, fingers intertwined. It was something of a comfort that they’d agreed to come, even if they hadn’t said much- it felt as though this was Noah introducing them to the reality of his past. If they could accept this part of him, the hurt and the loss that he’d experienced, then maybe they had a hope of being a proper family.

Louise came to a stop in front of him, then turned slowly, a sad look on her face.

“You ready?” She said quietly. “It’s just over there.”

Noah took a deep breath, and nodded.

“We’ll be right here when you’re ready, Noah,” Callum called from behind him. Ben smiled encouragingly.

“Thanks,” he said, then turned back to Louise, following her to the spot.

-

Once Noah had gone, Callum let out a deep breath, and his hands started shaking in Ben’s.

“Babe? You okay?” Ben said, concern tingeing his voice as he turned to Callum. His eyes were distracted, darting around the graveyard, looking from headstone to headstone. His breaths were coming faster, making a blush rise up his cheeks. Callum pulled his hands away from Ben, leaving them clenching into fists and shaking at his sides. Ben recognised the symptoms immediately.

“Hey, Callum, just look at me, alright? Let’s go and sit over there,” he said quietly, pointing at a bench just a couple of steps away. He didn’t dare touch Callum, but luckily he didn’t need to, as Callum stumbled over, sitting down heavily. He lowered his head between his knees and brought his hands up to his hair, running his fingers through the strands. Ben sat down next to him, careful not to touch him.

“Baby, listen to me, just concentrate on my voice, okay? Everything’s alright, just try and take some deep breaths,” Ben said, trying desperately to filter the worry and panic from his own voice. “Can you tell me what it is so I can try and help you? Are you having a flashback?”

Callum shook his head deep breaths stuttering in and out of his mouth. “It’s C-Chris- just, all the graves- I just-“

“Hey, it’s okay, I get it. You’re doing so well. Can I touch you?”

Callum nodded. “Please.”

Ben let out a small breath of his own, relieved that he could offer some comfort to his husband. He reached his hand over to stroke over Callum’s shoulder, soothing the tremors in him. They sat like that for a while, Callum’s breaths coming less and less hurriedly. Eventually, he’d stopped shaking enough to sit back up, quickly burying his head in Ben’s shoulder.

“S-sorry,” he muttered softly, embarrassment burning up his cheeks.

“Hey, don’t apologise. You okay?” Ben replied, his hand coming up to stroke through Callum’s soft hair.

“Getting there. It was just- all the graves, made me think of the army a-and Chris-“

“Hey, hey, you don’t have to explain yourself to me,” he replied, when Callum’s breaths started to pick up again. “You’re okay, I promise you. We can talk about it later if you like.”

Callum nodded softly, leaning back a little once the blush on his cheeks died down.

“Do you need to go home, babe?” Ben asked gently.

“Nah, I’m alright. I want to be here for him,” Callum said, nodding over to where Noah now stood. “It’s all going to be alright, right? I mean, what can we do about this?”

“’Course it is. We just need to give him time, yeah? The best thing we can do is just be there for him, whatever happens,” Ben replied, smiling down at Callum softly.

-

When he was close enough to read the words on the grave, it was as if the air left his body. It had been so long, it felt like something of a shock to the system, seeing his brother’s name carved into the stone. He brought his hand up to finger at the necklace around his neck, the cold metal grounding. Louise was right, though- the meadow behind it was in full bloom. The trees that had been little more than twigs the last time he’d seen them, but now they were great, tall oaks, with green leaves swaying in the gentle breeze. Flowers had just started to bud up around and between some of the gravestones and a huge patch of daisies had sprouted just behind Thomas’. It caught him then- just how perfect the whole place was for his innocent little brother. Louise watched Noah curiously for a moment, before moving towards the grave to place the flowers down in front of it, replacing the remnants of what looked to be similar flowers.

“I talk to him sometimes,” Louise said quietly. “I know it sounds stupid, but sometimes- it can help.”

Noah nodded, moving past Louise towards the grave.

“I’ll give you a minute,” she said, and retreated back towards the bench that Ben and Callum now occupied.

Noah took a deep breath, kneeling down just in front of the grave. He still remembered the day that they’d all been stood right here, in front of it. All dressed in black, before everything had changed.

“Hey, sorry I’ve not visited in a while,” Noah said, nervous of the sound of his own voice. “Things have been kind of hectic. I won’t bore you with the details, but I got adopted. They’re this lovely couple, the kind that you used to love on your stupid Disney shows, all loved up and adorable. They’re super nice to me as well, which is always an added bonus. They even let me watch what I like.

“They’ve got this other daughter too, Lexi. You would’ve loved her, proper little drama queen sometimes, but she’s got a great laugh. And its just- it’s weird sometimes. I never thought I’d get to feel like I had a family again after you’d gone, but I’m so happy with them. They make me feel like I’m welcome somewhere, wanted somewhere rather than just tolerated. It feels like I’ve finally got a chance at a family again. I just wish you could have seen it.”

The dam in Noah’s eyes broke, allowing the tears to flood in waves down his cheeks. Yet, there was something about crying here that felt somewhat good- like a release. The past few weeks, what with his mother and Will, it felt as though everything was building to breaking point, waiting for him to crash and burn again. This felt like someone finally taking a pin to the bubble of pressure building and building in his chest, and allowing him to breathe right again.

-

Ben tensed up as soon as he saw the other woman coming towards them. Callum had calmed but he was still on edge, still not quite back to earth properly, so the introduction of another, potentially volatile person-

“Can I sit?” Louise asked quietly. Callum dragged his head out of Ben’s shoulder when her question came, and nodded to her with an all-too-polite smile (but wasn’t that just Callum all over).

“I don’t know how much the two of you know about the situation. I don’t know how much Noah has told you about me, or his brother. But whatever you know, I wanted to thank you,” Louise said, her eyes trained on the two of them. Ben startled a little at that, sitting up a little straighter.

“Noah- he’s been through so much these past few years, and I know that not a small amount of it is down to what I did. I understand that now, and I know he’ll never properly forgive me- I don’t expect him to. But he deserves so much more than what he’s been dealt,” Louise said, her voice delicate. “The way he talks about you, though- I can tell he’s happy. He’s finally getting the life he should’ve had, and I can’t thank you enough for giving him the life I never could.”

Of all the things that Ben had expected to hear today, that certainly wasn’t one of them. The woman sounded genuine, too- not like a parent making up lies to desperately gain their child’s forgiveness (because Ben knew all too well what that sounded like), but like a woman genuinely sorry for what she had done, and happy to see that her child was happy, wherever that was.

“Thank you,” Callum said, his voice slightly hoarse- from the panic attack or the tears in his eyes, Ben couldn’t tell. He gripped onto Callum’s hand, and nodded towards Louise, beyond words right now.

“You should go to him,” Louise said, nodding her head towards Noah, who was now knelt on the floor, the telltale shaking of his shoulders indicating his tears. Callum got up first, his hand still firmly clasped in Ben’s and whispered another quiet ‘thank you’ to the woman. They both walked quietly over to Noah, who fell into their chests when they knelt to the floor either side of him.

-

The feeling of Ben and Callum coming up behind him was enough to solidify that feeling of a turning point. Right here, right now, he was letting himself move on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh this was a difficult one to write, but I felt it was important to help start to bring the story to an end- on that note, this is the penultimate chapter of Lego House, and the final chapter will be up on Friday, so look forward to it, it's gonna be fluffy 😂  
> Stay inside and stay safe!  
> Leo (artsy-highway on tumblr) <3


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Callum walked into Noah’s room around midnight, it took him straight back to that night. Ben curled up in the middle of his old living room, vulnerable, with wrapping paper all around him. Ben telling him in that quiet, nervous voice that he loved him for the first time. That rush he felt through his veins, like pure electricity, when that voice met his ears. He’d said it a thousand times since then, each time making the same feeling fire through Callum. But this was something else- this was Noah sat in the middle of his room, paints scattered around the floor and soft music playing in the background (Ed Sheeran or something similar, Callum thought).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer - I can't promise to be 100% accurate with my references to the affects of child abuse on a teen; if there are any issues, please let me know!

When Callum walked into Noah’s room around midnight, it took him straight back to that night. Ben curled up in the middle of his old living room, vulnerable, with wrapping paper all around him. Ben telling him in that quiet, nervous voice that he loved him for the first time. That rush he felt through his veins, like pure electricity, when that voice met his ears. He’d said it a thousand times since then, each time making the same feeling fire through Callum. But this was something else- this was Noah sat in the middle of his room, paints scattered around the floor and soft music playing in the background (Ed Sheeran or something similar, Callum thought). He yelled when Callum entered the room, leaning over something on the floor.

“Sorry, sorry!” Callum said quickly, shutting his eyes. “Heard your music, didn’t think you’d still be up. You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine, just had to do something. Sorry if I woke you up,” he heard Noah say.

“No, that’s okay, I was up anyway. What you up to then?” he replied.

“Nothing,” Noah replied, a mischievous smirk in his voice.

“Well, if you’re doing ‘nothing’, mind if I sit? I’ll keep my eyes closed,” Callum smiled, grinning. He slid to the floor, his back to the door, when Noah said it was okay.

“You looking forward to yours and Ben’s anniversary tomorrow, then?” Noah asked. Callum could hear the smile in his voice.

Callum sighed contentedly. If someone had told him, back when he was with Whitney, that he’d be happy right now, waiting for his anniversary with his husband- he didn’t think it was something that he’d ever get. When he was with Whitney, being gay felt like this huge secret that he’d always have to keep. He couldn’t ever imagine himself having a husband, or being happy in the way he was with Ben. But now, he was celebrating four years married to him, and he couldn’t be happier.

“Still feels weird that I get to have this, but yeah,” Callum sighed. “I really love him.”

“I can tell,” Noah replied. “What did you get him?”

“This book he’s been wanting for a while, couple of little things,” Callum said, a content smile on his face. “Oh yeah, Jay and Lola are gonna pop round for lunch tomorrow with Lex, is that okay?”

Noah smiled at that- he adored Lexi. She was bright and bubbly, and so much like Ben in so many ways. “Yeah that sounds good.”

“How are you doing, what with everything going on?”

Noah sighed. He seemed to think a minute before speaking.

“It’s just odd- I’ve spent the last seven years of my life wondering about my birth mother, and why she left. Now that I’ve met her, I feel like I should want to- I don’t know, want to be with her. But it was like- she was a completely new person. She didn’t feel like my mother at all.”

“That’s okay, Noah. You’re allowed to feel like that,” Callum replied, his voice soft. “She left you when you were young, so you probably don’t remember much of a connection with her, especially with what happened after she left. Just because she’s your birth mother doesn’t mean you have to have a connection with her. You’ve both changed so much since.”

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense,” Noah replied. “For the record, I think maybe one of the reasons that I don’t feel that connection with her is because- I’m really happy here.”

“Yeah?” Callum grinned. He had this look on his face like he’d just been told the best news of his life.

“Yeah- for the first time in a long time I feel like I can finally learn to settle somewhere. You guys are so good to me- I never thought I’d get that,” Noah said quietly, an embarrassed blush climbing his cheeks- he was strangely somewhat glad that Callum had his eyes closed.

“You deserve that, Noah,” Callum said, a soft smile on his face. “I’m glad you’re happy here.”

-

One of the things that Noah quickly noticed was how simple life was with Ben and Callum. Despite being married for something close to four years now, the two were still infatuated with each other. It was something refreshing for Noah – seeing just how loving they were towards each other. It had seemed something of a novelty to him before – he’d never really seen a happy couple up close, not one that had been married for as long as they had. The only experiences that he had were divorce and heartbreak, and not a small amount of either. But Ben and Callum – he didn’t necessarily subscribe to the idea of soulmates, but if one perfect person did exist for you, then it seemed Ben and Callum had found that in each other. It made him smile, how different he could see his life being here. He could find himself a family.

“Happy anniversary, daddy!”

Early the next morning, Lexi barrelled into the house, a bundle of energy like always, followed by a rather more tired-looking Jay and Lola. She ran straight to Ben, who gathered her up in his arms and span her around.

“Thank you, princess,” Ben laughed, holding his daughter close.

“We got you and daddy Callum a present, will you open it now?” Lexi said, pulling out of her dad’s arms and skipping back to Jay and Lola.

“Alright, we’ve just got to wait for Callum-“

“Morning everyone!” Callum said, coming down the stairs with a huge grin on his face. He wandered over to ben, planting a kiss on his cheek. “Happy anniversary, baby.”

Ben grinned. “Yeah? What did you get me then? Or are you gonna show me later-?”

“Oh god, Ben,” Jay said, mock-disgust over his face. “Not in front of the kids, yeah?”

-

“What did you get them, Noah?” Lexi asked innocently, after her present had been opened. The whole situation was shockingly domestic- Callum was sat on the floor, Lexi on his lap, with ben to one side of him, and the couch holding Jay and Lola on the other.

“Lex, I don’t think-“ Callum started.

“No, wait. I did- you do have a present from me,” Noah said quietly, a blush climbing his cheeks.

Ben smiled. “Noah, you didn’t have to.”

Noah nodded. “I know. Just wait there.”

-

When Noah revealed it, it felt like the breath had left Callum’s chest. In front of him, his own face was staring back at him. There was a huge grin on his face, and his arm was held out, holding the camera. Ben and Lexi’s grinning faces were across from his, both covered in intricately done makeup, the art on their faces just as beautiful as the first time around. Finally, Noah’s face was painted on the other side of the canvas, looking blissfully happy. It was that photo- the one that Callum hadn’t been able to get out of his mind for weeks. The one that they’d taken when Noah had first met Lexi- and they looked like a proper family.

“Do you like it?” Noah said, nerves clear in his voice.

“Noah, that’s amazing. You painted that?” Ben said incredulously.

“Uh, yeah. Stayed up last night doing it,” Noah said. “I just- I really love this photo, and I wanted to give you something special.”

“That’s really pretty!” Lexi said, a huge smile on her face. “You’re really good at that. I like painting too!”

“Thanks Lexi,” Noah said, blushing. “You wanna show me some stuff you’ve done?”

Just like that, Lexi was off like a shot, dragging Noah to her room.

-

“Noah, Lex! Dinner’s ready!”

Exi bolted quickly down the stairs, dragging Noah down behind her, but the sight of everyone sat around the table caught Noah for a minute. He’d always had this thought that his family was what he was born into- he would always be stuck with the same group of homophobes and deadbeats, just like his birth father. But maybe now, he could see something different. He didn’t have to settle for his family. His family could be exactly what he wanted it to be, and right here, it felt like he’d found it- surrounded by the sounds of laughter and genuine happiness. All the things that a family should be, but that he’d never really gotten to see up close. Yet here it was, and it was all his.

“You coming, Noah?” Callum said, a wide smile on his face, patting the chair next to him at the table. Ben was on his other side, looking at Callum as if he’d hung the stars. Lexi was right across the table from them babbling about something to Lola on one side, and Jay on the other.

Yeah, maybe for the first time he could see it; he could see himself building his own family piece by imperfect piece, like the bricks of a lego house.

And, hey, maybe it was about time.

-

The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I started this au, I never thought it would get the reception that this has gotten. Even now, every kudos and comment means the world to me because I never thought that something I could come up with was worthy of attention like this. This is the first full, multi chapter au I've ever written, and honestly I'm just proud that I got to the end of it. This won't be the end of the AU entirely, I still plan to write some one-shots for it, but this particular part is finished now. So, thank you, truly, to everyone who has stuck with this au and has given it a kudos/comment because it means so much to me. Hope you enjoyed!   
> Stay safe!   
> Leo (artsy-highway on tumblr) <3

**Author's Note:**

> Oh gosh I'm excited about this!  
> So just to clear a couple things up - this au is set in my idea of their future; it's roughly 3/4 years on from current canon, and works with the canon events previous, but won't fit with anything that happens from now. This chapter is more of an introduction to the story, and things will start to come together a bit more eventually, just bear with me. So, I really hope you enjoy this fic! Hopefully updates are gonna be fairly regular, but don't hold me to anything.  
> Leo <3 (my tumblr is @artsy-highway)


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